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15yr old struggling with school attendance, depression and anxiety

NAS35090

Hi Everyone, 

My autistic son has been out of school since November 2021, and is struggling with depression and anxiety.  He won't/can't  enage with anyone from school, camhs, 42nd st, kooth or the GP.

Everything is a struggle for him, washing, brushing his hair, having the curtains open. I don't know how to support him.  Sometimes he can be aggressive and shouty, and can trash his room, other times he is very sad and tearful.

It feels like we are on a hamster wheel, and not getting anywhere. School have arranged for a home visit at the end of March, but my son is already saying that they can't come, as home is his safe place.

He has been offered the chance of an online call, but hasn't t been been able to attend these. 

Camhs initially suggested parenting workshops, after which he would be discharged if he was still unwilling / unable to engage, but have since put him on the waiting list for the psychiatric service. 

I'm now taking time off work as I can't cope with my sons needs and managing a full time job. 

It feels like the clock is running down to when he leaves school and we will be left in limbo, and he will have no gcse's, no college place, no work.

I worry about him constantly as he has talked about killing himself, but at the same time I know I'm not helping things.

We don't know what to do next. 

    • Hi I'm going through the same thing with my 14 year old son. He has been out of school since last sept as he was so distressed in secondary school he was self harming & suicidal. He is only recent diagnosed asd & its answered some questions for us but school had always affected his mental health. This is nothing new as he went through all this in primary school yet no one picked up on it & we received no help. The only difference now is the self harm & suicidal thoughts! I'm worried also about his education & GCSE'S. His 4th time with CAMHS last year is when they suggested autism but the waiting list is 3 yrs & he would be out of education by then so we had to go private. We are just waiting for his asd report so the school can give him more help but I just wanted you to know your not alone. Its very frustrating & heartbreaking. My son is so isolated he doesn't leave the house & has no friends.  I worry about his future. What kind of life he will have. He also refused to engage with any help that was offered he finds it excruciatingly speaking to people. I find taking it day by day is best but I wish you the very best & hope your son starts to improve soon.

  • Hi - so sorry to hear this.  We have been through this too.  There is so little help out there.  Have you got an EHCP?  If not can you apply for one?  Our son could not engage with Camhs either,  He is ASD and selectvely mute and they had no means to engage him.  The SaLT service used 'talking mats' very effectively but our Camhs hadn't heard of them.  We managed to get a psychiatrist to report that the whole school situation was causing severe mental health problems (which it was - he was suicidal) but we had to pay and get a private report.  Maybe your GP could do his for you?  We also used video evidence from home and school to show how bad the situation was.  Using this and evidence from the school we were then able to get an EHCP by going to tribunal and got support to help with education outside of school (effectively homeschooling).  The EHCP will, in therory provide support hrough to age 25 so then the pressure to get GCSEs and A levels 'on time' is removed.

    Our son is thankfully through this crisis now - we ended up having to remove all pressure to go to school or to study and it took months and months before he could even leave the house, but he did eventually improve.   We also had to keep home as the safe space and not have school and camhs visiting.  We were able to use online provision from Academy21 to get some GCSE tuition online from home.  Your school / council will probably know about it but won't offer it unless you push for it - it is used for childern exclued from or out of school.  We found it very good.  They don't require the camera to be on and you interact via direct messaging so don't have to talk. There is a timetable and lessons are 'live', but lessons are recorded so you can go back over them / catch up ones you missed.  If your son can't access school then the council should be providing him with something he can access by law - maybe this would be an option IF your son is ready to cope with it.  If not, maybe down the line?  Also your son can take his GCSEs from home - again you will probably have to fight for it but it is possible - we have done it albeit only for a few GCSEs.

    When we were at the stage you are now we also didn't see how things could ever work out, but the situation has improved.  Its not great but our son is now able to contemplate going to university in the next year or so which was unthinkable when we were where you are now so don't give up.  Just dont give up.

  • Hello I know what your going through my daughter who is the same age was diagnosed last year. She is struggling with the diagnosis of autism,anxiety,depression, eating and sleeping problems our own gp can’t help as she needs to be reviewed by paeds doctors, we are waiting for a medication nurse from forward thinking Birmingham in my opinion are utterly useless. My daughter has really struggled all this academic year and has hardly been there , I worry she won’t get a place in a college because of her attendance. I am trying to get a EHCP for her so she will have help until she is 25.