Finally got a referral but need support

When I read 'Yes I know you already told me'. I thought of my son. I am autistic although not with as many problems as my son yet I still make the mistake of saying something twice. However sometimes he is engrossed and doesn't hear. So I try to think of a different way of saying it or ask a question which tells me if he heard or mention it in passing without being specifically directed at him.

One thing my son finds difficult with requests is that they are demands. Today he had a reason he could not go to school at the beginning of the day so I said I would let school know he would be in for the second lesson. He takes a while to get ready so to make sure he wasn't late I asked him what time he was getting ready. He told me the time and did go to get ready at that time because that gave him control.

Re leaving the house that is hard too. If we go out in the car he will listen to music. However travelling still causes anxiety so we keep it to a minimum. He particularly finds fast roads difficult as he is fearful there might be a crash.

Regarding socialising, that is also difficult and I understand because I find it hard myself. If we do go somewhere we tend to discuss how long we will stay. My husband understands that this makes it easier for both of us.

Hello, just wanted to suggest using a small whiteboard (mine is approx 30 x 25 cms) to write down your plans for the week, so that your daughter can look at it and remind herself of what she is doing. Maybe she could fill it in. I am an autistic adult, recently diagnosed at the age of 57, and parent of 2 sons, both with autistic behaviours, and one transgender. I like visual reminders, I am constantly checking to see what I am doing, and could not manage without it. I then wipe it clean each week and write down everything planned for the next few days. I hope that you get the support that you need, reading your post reminded me of my sons behaviours when they were younger.

Thank you for your reply, it means a lot!
I’ve tried the constant reminding for every day routines or changes of routine but then they seem to get frustrated when I constantly tell them of the step by step of what’s happening and then the frustration and anger comes out and I get, “yes I know! you’ve already told me!” Yet if I don’t explain, we have a meltdown. I feel like I can’t do right from wrong.

The main problem is leaving the house, regardless if I them how the day is going to plan out.

They just don’t want to leave their room, I feel on one hand just to leave them to it and let them spend all the time confined in their room and the other that I’m a bad parent and need to try to get them to socialise and interact.
I’ve reached out to multiple resources yet no one seems to want to help with supporting me and I know that sounds selfish but if I could just get some guidance on how to help my child, I think it would help all round. 

Hi, I have a 15 year old son who has only just been diagnosed in December. We have had melt downs almost  daily and most recently he has been refusing to go to school. It is really difficult and quite often impossible to deal with any outbursts once they start, we have slowly started to work out his triggers and with the help and advice from early help we now only speak to him in short meaningful sentences, don’t go on about something for a long time for example you mentioned not wanting to leave the house, do you give her prior notice of things that will happen. I have to tell my son when something is going to happen especially if it involves him leaving the house well in advance. So if I know the day before then I will tell him that tomorrow we are going out and what time we’re expected to leave. I don’t go in to too much detail cos it’ll be s lot of information to take in in one ho, unless he asks for it. Then I’ll remind him again before bed that we are going out the next day. And again when he wakes up then I’ll tell him what time he needs to get ready and the time we are leaving. This helps him to be less anxious about going out because he knows it is happy and hadn’t been sprung on him last minute. 
mad much as you can stick to a good morning/evening/daily routine mealtimes, getting up, going to bed, homework,  etc this will help keep structure ti the day and help her know when to expect things to happen and minimises stressful situations. Sit down and write out house rules and stick it up somewhere visible to everyone so there is a visual aid to remind her what behaviours are expected and what’s not acceptable. Draw up reward charts for any area you need to improve. Like my son is refusing to go to school quite often at the moment so we now have a new evening/bedtime routine and a reward chart that he can earn rewards from for going to school everyday. Only been just over a week but so far so good. I am just praying it stays on this track I know we will all have good days and bad days but don’t dwell or focus too much on the negatives, address anything that needs to be addressed in short sentences and in a calm manner then don’t go over it again. Change the subject the something positive or about something she enjoys. 
slowly but surely things will get easier but please remember your not alone and there are so many others going through what your going through it is difficult sometimes. Try to get as much outside support as possible and get as much support from your daughters school as you can whilst your waiting for the assessment. If you don’t get very regular appointments with your local cahms ask when your next appointment will be or tell them you need an earlier one if it is too long in between  you will get more support if you are asking for more help otherwise you get left in a queue and they will see the ones who are asking for more help sooner. 
here if you need to chat or vent xx