First-time poster on these forums, looking for advice!
My Son, now 17, was diagnosed with ASD at 5. He is high-functioning, has attended mainstream school and my Wife and I often describe him as being ‘touched by a brush’ with ASD. Most people wouldn’t notice his quirks and he doesn’t exhibit many of the classic Autism traits (if there really is such a thing!), but he has OCD behaviours and anxiety problems and has always struggled to form meaningful friendships. So in the greater scheme of things, and compared to others with more severe ASD, he is relatively ok - but this blurring of lines between NT and Autistic behaviours is complex to fathom and has been the single biggest parenting challenge since the diagnosis, but especially so during these later teenage years.
So, for example, he is quite lazy and unfocused - a bit like I was at that age, but this is on another level entirely. We constantly have to nag him to keep on top of college work - and the expectation level here is at least the bear minimum, we are not pushing for A* grades or anything! His avoidance of work usually leads to workload building up which in turn adds to his stress and anxiety. We’ve had lots of calm/rational/supportive discussions about how to organise himself better to avoid these situations, so it’s not always a nag and we are trying to be creative with monetary incentives for example, but he continues to repeat the same behaviours and will often cite stress as the reason to avoid doing the work (‘I can’t help it, I’m really stressed right now’).
How do we know how much of this is truly ASD related vs a lazy teen who is reluctant to take responsibility for organising himself? We are just trying to prepare him for some kind of working life and are concerned that simply avoiding anything that’s stressful, will lead to him being unable to do much at all independently.
Note, this isn’t all about college work, just an example. It also applies to getting himself up in the morning, sticking to exercises that are intended to help him cope with OCD/anxiety, learning to manage his own finances etc - just anything that isn’t gaming or requires a bit of commitment without instant gratification!
