When to tell 8 year old

Our son was diagnosed about the time he started school and over the time he has been in school he has become much better at dealing with his day-to-day (mainly sensory issues and control of emotions). He still has bad days and often spends all day at school and the childminder masking and then all the emotion floods out when he gets home in the evening. 

We did start to approach the subject of autism a couple of times. We once had a conversation with him where he did show an appreciation of the fact that noises affected him lots more than they did his peers but that was about as much as we discussed. Another time he overheard his Mum and I talking about his favourite strongman who is autistic and he asked what that meant.  

We don't want to bring autism up in a way that is going to end up defining him, but equally if he is noticing ways that he seems different from his peers (I am going through assessment at the moment and remember how I felt very different to other kids when I was young) I don't know if having that knowledge will make him understand why a little better. We also don't want to leave it too late that he might react badly that we never told him before.

Most of me thinks (hopes) that it will be obvious when the time is right, but there is a small part of me (the massive overthinker/worrier) that says I should be thinking about it is appropriate to do so. Does anyone have any advice or experience they can share about how and when we should be talking to him about his diagnosis?

Parents
  • if hes been assessed and given the autism diagnosis he should know hes autistic, i spoke to my son during this time telling him he was being assessed for autism and when he got diagnosed i told him. i dont really know what id do in your situation,, maybe start a convo asking if he remembers all the doctors visits and assessments etc and ask if he understands that it was for autism; does he get support in school? you could ask for an appointment with the school support person see how they been dealing with it.

Reply
  • if hes been assessed and given the autism diagnosis he should know hes autistic, i spoke to my son during this time telling him he was being assessed for autism and when he got diagnosed i told him. i dont really know what id do in your situation,, maybe start a convo asking if he remembers all the doctors visits and assessments etc and ask if he understands that it was for autism; does he get support in school? you could ask for an appointment with the school support person see how they been dealing with it.

Children
  • When he was diagnosed he had only just started school so we felt that we didn't want to overload him with even more "new" to contend with. As he has progressed through school he seems to have developed an ability to cope with most of his sensory issues and only has occasional problems with controlling emotions. He has an IEP in place but it is fairly basic - we haven't really pushed this as we don't feel he currently needs a huge amount of support day-to-day it's mostly just the need for teachers to understand him (ie being able to anticipate the issues before they arise) that is needed. We asked his Y2 teacher (who had an older autistic son with significant support needs) what she thought and she and the SENCO both felt that since his support needs were quite low and he seemed to be doing well that there wasn't much rush. 

    I agree with you that he needs to know, if we were going through diagnosis now it would be much easier as he would be asking more questions about the appointments and assessments and that would open up the conversation. I'm not sure if he would actually remember his assessments now though.