Worried parent

When I was her age, I had incredible difficulty with language. Only I didn't know it. It was absolutely imperative a word kept to the definition and if not, it would cause distress. Imagine if math kept changing and your banking machine spit out 50 instead of 250 but charged you the greater amount? 

I ended up diving into psychoanalysis & philosophy in my late 30s and learned words are a way of game-playing, a sort of theatrics. From a neurotypical perspective this gives life meaning and depth and a sort of wildness. But then many NTs might also need to micro-dose in the mushroom kingdom to experience an Autistics NORMAL mode of perception(something I've been learning), which is already wild and deep and overwhelming. I became much better versed at language as I got older by reading the Sunday Paper and historical opinion pieces (Chesterton, Orwell - some of the more well known) were incredibly helpful. There is something very exact about journalists and if they venture into other forms of use with language, they are precise - because the very essence of their job depends on it.

The second key here is that the inability to identify ones emotions (alexithymia) is very typical for most of us. I didn't know I couldn't do this until a therapist asked. I was 28. And even then, I didn't discover an emotions wheel until my late 30s. Only when I did, it seemed inadequate. I learned to express how I felt in a different way: I feel unprotected, unseen. (not invisible, I'm very visible). I feel like we're having 2 different conversations (is that frustration? or do I not really care...) There's a world of emotions in these "malfunctions" or even in a fluidity in life. I rarely feel a spark of happiness. I feel 'well-done me' for parking backwards so I can whisk away or a sense of openness and freedom with a clean ready-to-be-destroyed kitchen. 

From all the reading I've done over the years, I've realised I don't really care what a thing 'means', I care about 'how it functions' or how it operates. Even with my own 'feelings'. I will say this, Not having clarity, blueprints, Life Maps, operation guides to relationships, an understanding of boundaries, of abuse, of how a selfish person functions as opposed to a healthy person and how they can appear similar... not having hard tools and resources and tutorials on how to make a thing/art form/relationship work well or how to muck it up, left me entirely frustrated. And I mean, horrifyingly frustrated. I would explode on interruption. 

Sometimes I don't recognise when things build up to resentment, when humans are unkind on repeat, when I'm shut down or treated unjustly. The hardest thing for me is not finishing / finalising a thing, no closure. But I've had to learn to cut off relationships and put up boundaries with harmful humans. I know feel these may be principle to learn in youth. Luckily there are shelves and shelves of psychological information on NTs. But good wisdom and good ethics will benefit us all. x

P.s. Printmaking and branches of Zoology could be good to look into. I love Print fairs and really lovely hand printed cards... 

Hey again Desmond

My daughter's sensitive to like perfume,aftershave,food smells,she has issues with textures too, like if it feels wrong that's it, even down to materials that she wears or has on her. Also people if she doesn't like them that's it, no chances given. 

Hey Desmond

Thank you for the heads up regards of the IT scene, do you enjoy your job? And does it suit your needs?.

Love indie music! My daughter loves music, it's one of her comforts, has been since a baby also car rides too. Even to this day we still have to take her for a drive and on go her earphones.

I hope you do decide to set up a podcast that would be amazing! I'd deffo tune in too! 

What topics would you cover?..

Hey juniper

Thank you so much for your time and help really appreciated here, what a lovely opening sentence too

Those are awesome suggestions, and she's dyslexic and has meres erlin I think that's how it's spelt, sorry if wrong, she has visual stress on white screens and the overlays only do so much...but there's the reversal of dark mode now too which helps. 

She has a love of art, print making and animals, she adores animals and is really good with them too. 

She gets overloaded easily and over stimulated. She has her quirks to cope with it too ...which others find odd but it's how she copes, like making noises, saying random things, flipping the finger . 

Her moods are very up and down too, she can be quiet closed off and withdrawn or very loud, she only does this at home at infront of people she's knows well which is around 5 people at college. I try to encourage her with separating her emotions but sometimes she just doesn't know how she feels and that's when it gets hard. 

Also she gets triggered by subjects that she's very clued up on and gets very loud adamant and agitated, she has to walk out of her classes at college at times as she's getting angry.

Thank you again...I really appreciate you giving me some insight, with my daughter I can only go off what I see as she's not one for talking about things.

I have thought about Podcasting. However, I need to focus on getting equipment first.

Have you thought about starting your own podcast or Spotify playlist? This is the new way to DJ. Terrestrial Radio DJs currently are never allowed to be influencers, rather they are simply required to be a conduit of the tracks pre-disposed for them to play. 

I'm not too sensitive around smell, or textures. However, certain things turn me off. 

In Northern Ireland; most IT Firms are team-oriented. So there mightn't be room for being on your own. On reflection, I was pushed into IT by my Teachers. Just because I had an interest in Computers. Such is life.

I wanted to be a Radio DJ as a kid. Around thirteen, I began getting into Indie Music. Though there are gaps in my knowledge, I still enjoy new music. 

Oh! I empathise with this, she sounds like me when I was that age but I didn't have a wonderful mum like you!! There are so many areas of work she could go into which might be less overwhelming. In media, TV editing and Radio can be good for individuals who don't mind a whole day by themselves. Working in gardens or with plants can be good. Research (if she's not bothered about lighting in labs) can be solo work. She could learn to build and craft jewellery, lamps, pottery, clothing... Etsy is full of independent crafters. She could code and work in IT or repair. I know so many people who work for themselves. If she has a little business admin knowledge (this is the hardest thing for me, but it must get done) and has a few years of uninterrupted time focusing on a craft that she finds she connects with, it could be a good start. 

I work in sound & music, and there are jobs here like sound design and foley which she could look into as well. I will say it's Art (Creators, not performers), Science and Engineering where we seem to have these more independent roles. 

Managing a sensory environment is key. But I'm really not happy with what is being legally allowed. Chemically made scents which off-gas VOCs and formaldehyde are everywhere - in stores, in furniture, in insulation. Noise levels of sirens and alarms and theatres are at levels and frequencies which are deafening. Lights are damaging to retinas, with too much UV. I rarely find fruit which isn't laced with petroleum based wax... there are far too many things in society which are aggressively harmful and not human-friendly. Being young, she won't have learned to separate an aggression against the senses vs something lacking in aesthetic. Learning to identify these can also be valuable to her as she gets older.