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Hurting oneself

ParentingAutism

My daughter, 15, has become more rigid and upset over the tiniest things she was never upset about. She's also showing new behaviors she has never shown before.

For example, she is now flapping her arms every now and again, which she has NEVER done, things have to go her way or she gets upsets and then she starts crying, shouting and hurts herself. When she gets upset it's worse than ever, she will punch herself in the head, bang her head on the wall, nearly knocking herself out one time, throws herself on the ground and bangs her head on the floor. Jerks her neck forward and back until she's dizzy and gives herself a headache. She has now also started biting herself and she told me about this the other day, and she has bitten her arm today and it is now swollen and bruised. She got upset because her sister was in her personal space, she doesn't like people stood next or behind her, then her sister accidently dropped her fork in her dinner so that was it, she ran upstairs and was crying then was hurting herself. This only lasted 5 minutes so it's not too serious. 

When she's upset, we have no choice but to leave her alone to calm down. I will admit, we do let her hurt herself because if we go near her it makes the situation worse, it'll last longer, and we'll get hurt. I'm just worried that she's going to seriously hurt herself sooner or later and I don't really know what to do. I don't understand why her behavior is getting worse. I know I'm always talking negatively on here but she does have amazing days and she stays out the way and minds her own business when things get difficult between her sibling always arguing. Can't win. But she is an amazing girl and is coping really well over all. It's hard seeing your own child hurt themselves. She is worse in school and by herself but infront of us, I feel like she masks things she wouldn't mask in school. Life is confusing but we take one step at a time and we have come so far. Ofcourse covid doesn't help but she is now able to wear a mask. I am so thankful for all the support we get on here and it has really helped. Hope you had a good Christmas, and have a happy new year all. Xx

Parents

  • When she's really upset and frustrated, she likely feels a lot of aggression, and instead of taking it out on others, she's trying to "protect" them in a way, by taking it out on herself instead. She might have an emotional regulation issue (through biological wiring, and not a fault of her own) where when she gets frustrated, things fire up in her system to a very high degree, that is just higher than most people's frustration levels would be. 

    And if she's flapping her hands now, and she hasn't done this in the past, she might have just read it and picked it up somewhere, because hand flapping I think is something that happens from an early age that might continue when they are older, but it's not something that suddenly just shows up from no where.

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    That's what I thought when she was flapping her hands. We know that from the past, especially I school, she would attack and take aggression out of staff but ever since she was excluded, she's been happier but when she does struggle she takes it out on herself instead so there's now no reason to punish her. 

    What can I do to reduce the risk of injury since she has powerful strikes to her head and the wall aswell has biting herself. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    My son used to bite his hand last year and it was recommended to me to ask him to wear an elastic band on his wrist and every time he had the urge to bite himself he would ping the elastic band against his skin. It has helped and he no longer bites himself or feels the need to wear the elastic band.

    Id also recommend a free standing punch bag. Boxing is a fantastic way to release anger, frustration and energy. 

  • in reply to Lau

    Any time there is a holiday or a break from school she is definitely more distressed and struggles a lot more. There is a lot of routine and structure in school and I do my best to keep routine at home but with building work, other children and other stuff it's kind of hard. 

    She struggles greatly with the transition from school to home, she used to refuse to come home and get into her taxi but we've sorted that. Except that the last day of term, it took her 45 minutes, no meltdown, until she got home, and I don't think it helped that she had a different driver, but she new ages ago about that. Summer holidays are the worst. But yes, holidays and the change cause more self harm itself. 

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  • in reply to Lau

    Any time there is a holiday or a break from school she is definitely more distressed and struggles a lot more. There is a lot of routine and structure in school and I do my best to keep routine at home but with building work, other children and other stuff it's kind of hard. 

    She struggles greatly with the transition from school to home, she used to refuse to come home and get into her taxi but we've sorted that. Except that the last day of term, it took her 45 minutes, no meltdown, until she got home, and I don't think it helped that she had a different driver, but she new ages ago about that. Summer holidays are the worst. But yes, holidays and the change cause more self harm itself. 

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