• Replies 22 replies
  • Subscribers 71 subscribers
  • Views 5439 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Hurting oneself

ParentingAutism

My daughter, 15, has become more rigid and upset over the tiniest things she was never upset about. She's also showing new behaviors she has never shown before.

For example, she is now flapping her arms every now and again, which she has NEVER done, things have to go her way or she gets upsets and then she starts crying, shouting and hurts herself. When she gets upset it's worse than ever, she will punch herself in the head, bang her head on the wall, nearly knocking herself out one time, throws herself on the ground and bangs her head on the floor. Jerks her neck forward and back until she's dizzy and gives herself a headache. She has now also started biting herself and she told me about this the other day, and she has bitten her arm today and it is now swollen and bruised. She got upset because her sister was in her personal space, she doesn't like people stood next or behind her, then her sister accidently dropped her fork in her dinner so that was it, she ran upstairs and was crying then was hurting herself. This only lasted 5 minutes so it's not too serious. 

When she's upset, we have no choice but to leave her alone to calm down. I will admit, we do let her hurt herself because if we go near her it makes the situation worse, it'll last longer, and we'll get hurt. I'm just worried that she's going to seriously hurt herself sooner or later and I don't really know what to do. I don't understand why her behavior is getting worse. I know I'm always talking negatively on here but she does have amazing days and she stays out the way and minds her own business when things get difficult between her sibling always arguing. Can't win. But she is an amazing girl and is coping really well over all. It's hard seeing your own child hurt themselves. She is worse in school and by herself but infront of us, I feel like she masks things she wouldn't mask in school. Life is confusing but we take one step at a time and we have come so far. Ofcourse covid doesn't help but she is now able to wear a mask. I am so thankful for all the support we get on here and it has really helped. Hope you had a good Christmas, and have a happy new year all. Xx

Parents

  • The basic problem is a lack of an ability to subconsciously monitor mood. It is something that is difficult for many autistics to accomplish. We can sometimes only notice that we are upset or anxious when we reach the state of it being completely unbearable. When in that state it is by 'minor self-harm' that some of us can 'reset the switch' that makes our internal state bearable again. I'm 60, and very occasionally I reach that point, and hit myself in the side of the head or bite the base of my thumb. It works as an instant relief. However, it is not a good place to be and the only thing I have found that helps is by consciously interrogating my inner feelings from time to time during the day, to find out if I am feeling upset by anything, and then trying to get out of whatever situation it is that is making me feel bad.

    I hope that this view from the inside helps you to understand what the 'self hurting' does for the autistic person, and perhaps might be a pointer to help your daughter recognise when she is heading for such a crisis.

Reply

  • The basic problem is a lack of an ability to subconsciously monitor mood. It is something that is difficult for many autistics to accomplish. We can sometimes only notice that we are upset or anxious when we reach the state of it being completely unbearable. When in that state it is by 'minor self-harm' that some of us can 'reset the switch' that makes our internal state bearable again. I'm 60, and very occasionally I reach that point, and hit myself in the side of the head or bite the base of my thumb. It works as an instant relief. However, it is not a good place to be and the only thing I have found that helps is by consciously interrogating my inner feelings from time to time during the day, to find out if I am feeling upset by anything, and then trying to get out of whatever situation it is that is making me feel bad.

    I hope that this view from the inside helps you to understand what the 'self hurting' does for the autistic person, and perhaps might be a pointer to help your daughter recognise when she is heading for such a crisis.

Children
  • in reply to Martin

    Thank you for this. It helps a lot. She knows when she is getting worked up and will usually be able to calm herself down but other times she doesn't notice or it goes from 0 to 100 instantly and then she will start hurting herself. Usually it will be really bad but then calms her down to less of an impact and then she will cry and try distracting herself by putting Netflix on and then she's okay again once she's let everything out. She struggles greatly with self regulation so I guess by head banging or biting it calms her.