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Hurting oneself

ParentingAutism

My daughter, 15, has become more rigid and upset over the tiniest things she was never upset about. She's also showing new behaviors she has never shown before.

For example, she is now flapping her arms every now and again, which she has NEVER done, things have to go her way or she gets upsets and then she starts crying, shouting and hurts herself. When she gets upset it's worse than ever, she will punch herself in the head, bang her head on the wall, nearly knocking herself out one time, throws herself on the ground and bangs her head on the floor. Jerks her neck forward and back until she's dizzy and gives herself a headache. She has now also started biting herself and she told me about this the other day, and she has bitten her arm today and it is now swollen and bruised. She got upset because her sister was in her personal space, she doesn't like people stood next or behind her, then her sister accidently dropped her fork in her dinner so that was it, she ran upstairs and was crying then was hurting herself. This only lasted 5 minutes so it's not too serious. 

When she's upset, we have no choice but to leave her alone to calm down. I will admit, we do let her hurt herself because if we go near her it makes the situation worse, it'll last longer, and we'll get hurt. I'm just worried that she's going to seriously hurt herself sooner or later and I don't really know what to do. I don't understand why her behavior is getting worse. I know I'm always talking negatively on here but she does have amazing days and she stays out the way and minds her own business when things get difficult between her sibling always arguing. Can't win. But she is an amazing girl and is coping really well over all. It's hard seeing your own child hurt themselves. She is worse in school and by herself but infront of us, I feel like she masks things she wouldn't mask in school. Life is confusing but we take one step at a time and we have come so far. Ofcourse covid doesn't help but she is now able to wear a mask. I am so thankful for all the support we get on here and it has really helped. Hope you had a good Christmas, and have a happy new year all. Xx

Parents

  • Hello. In response to your daughter flapping as a stim, she may be experimenting with new stims as they can change over time. 

    ParentingAutism said:
    She said, that makes sense, looking back I can definitely see the traits, and she had looked up about autism and I believe she is copying what she has read and seen.

    I doubt she is copying other autistic traits, (i assume you mean stimming) she is probably trying to unmask and be her authentic autistic self more. This is really important.

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    Okay, thanks for this. She definitely has changed since the diagnosis so I did think she was unmasking but her behavior has changed so much due to this. Im happy she's unmasking but it definitely creates new challenges to deal with. I am still learning and I try my best to deal with situations as they come but sometimes things just don't go well for any of us. I appreciate what you said, it has definitely shed some light for both of us. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    You are welcome. Her autistic traits are likely to be obvious to others as she learns more about herself as an autistic person and feels safe and accepted. She may feel more validation now there is an explanation for her neurotype. It is very positive that she feels she is able to unmask as this will really help her develop/understand her own autistic identity and therefore hopefully feel happier.

  • in reply to ParentingAutism
    ParentingAutism said:
    She felt more understood by people around and accepted and it suited her needs best. 

    This equation from Luke Beardon may be really helpful:

    Autism + Environment = Outcome

    This means the better suited the environment, the less anxiety your daughter will experience.

    You may find it useful to read some of Luke Beardon books - very thorough give great insights into the autistic brain.

  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    Yes I agree, she has not yet been able to feel safe to wear ear defenders when she needs them including in the house unless it's just me and her. In school she will wear them sometimes when needed, like the fire alarm. She asked to go to the Mayflower theatre to watch cinderella and she helped me book it and she said she wants the relaxed performance instead of the other usual one. She asked for it, and I'm proud of her. She loved it. We all did. She felt more understood by people around and accepted and it suited her needs best. 

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  • in reply to Ausomely Autistic

    Yes I agree, she has not yet been able to feel safe to wear ear defenders when she needs them including in the house unless it's just me and her. In school she will wear them sometimes when needed, like the fire alarm. She asked to go to the Mayflower theatre to watch cinderella and she helped me book it and she said she wants the relaxed performance instead of the other usual one. She asked for it, and I'm proud of her. She loved it. We all did. She felt more understood by people around and accepted and it suited her needs best. 

Children