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Son always thinking he knows better.

Lau

I feel really frustrated tonight and feel guilty because I feel frustrated!! 

I managed to get some new games for the house on sale today one being hungry hippos. My Autistic 4 year old and I were playing The game hungry hippos and he loved it so much we were having great fun catching then counting how many balls we had caught. 

My older son also Autistic PDA, heard the fun and wanted to join, it’s rare we can play a game that wee all enjoy so it was really nice for us all to be laughing and playing together. 

My eldest wanted to see how many balls he could fit in the hippos mouth, because he was taking all the balls my youngest was confused and getting angry as he wanted to keep playing and couldn’t as he had no balls. I asked a few times Can you pop the balls in the middle then we can continue with our game but he continued to fill the mouth up held the mouth closed and slammed his hand down on the lever and then he says I think it’s broken now.

Usually I’m pretty easy going and can brush things off but I’m so annoyed at him. 

I said why did you do that, now that blue hippo is broken he said it okay there’s another 3 hippos and there’s only three of us playing. I then went onto say what did you think would happen when you did that? He was starting to become annoyed with me and kept saying there’s 3 hippos left that are working. Then he decided he wanted to play with the yellow hippo that my youngest was playing with but my youngest want to stay his colour this caused more upset then he just stood up and walked out the room saying I’m going to play my ps5 then.

Im left there trying soothe my youngest and with a game that’s broken. 

When I read this over I get it’s only a game and toys can be replaced but these things happen all the time. Such as he will want to try a sweetie that’s new (he hates new things he always eats the same things) and I will say I’m pretty sure you like this sweet better (something I know he likes) then he gets home and try’s the new sweet and hates it then had a melt down and gets so frustrated that he would want to write a letter to the sweet company for making this sweet that tastes disgusting. This happens all the time and on the occasions I refuse to buy the new sweet he will become frustrated with me.

Another example is he was having pancakes at a restaurant for breakfast I said why don’t you dip your pancake into the maple syrup as this is different syrup to the one you usually have. He said no I know I know I’ll like it then pours the syrup all over the pancakes and then said I want new pancakes I don’t like that syrup. He will then sit there in an awful mood that the restaurant has different tasting syrup to the one he has at school (he always makes pancakes with syrup in school with his psa)

What would you have done in the situation with the hungry hippo game? Should I have just lifted the board game up straight away and refused to let him fill the mouth up with balls? Of course if I Did do this it would have been a melt down from both children and id feel guilty for stopping a game on the off chance that it may have got broken?

Am I over reacting? All the changes that come with Christmas are getting to me so maybe I am over reacting? 

Parents

  • You’re oldest sounds like he is trying hard like every young man to mature and failing. Realising he’s failing and then trying to cover up that failure. Dealing with shame and frustrations of not understanding the process and not having a rule book for LIFE. or how to be an adult. 

    Does he have a male role model (uncle parent grandfather) who can help?

    Having a son myself, I might give him tasks that appeal to his becoming-man. Kind ones like opening the door for strangers (would you mind doing x - or "please do x" straightforward is better) and if he wants to try something new, ask him to assign himself a reasoning-through task. Trying it. Mental comparison. Really spend a moment thinking about it. Or with games, if he wants to play he should be in charge to learning and then setting the rules. Once he has an internal contract in his head it will be hard for him to renegotiate. Trade Autistic Secret!

Reply

  • You’re oldest sounds like he is trying hard like every young man to mature and failing. Realising he’s failing and then trying to cover up that failure. Dealing with shame and frustrations of not understanding the process and not having a rule book for LIFE. or how to be an adult. 

    Does he have a male role model (uncle parent grandfather) who can help?

    Having a son myself, I might give him tasks that appeal to his becoming-man. Kind ones like opening the door for strangers (would you mind doing x - or "please do x" straightforward is better) and if he wants to try something new, ask him to assign himself a reasoning-through task. Trying it. Mental comparison. Really spend a moment thinking about it. Or with games, if he wants to play he should be in charge to learning and then setting the rules. Once he has an internal contract in his head it will be hard for him to renegotiate. Trade Autistic Secret!

Children
  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Hi Juniper, He does not have role model that’s been consistently there throughout his life. I cut ties with my mother’s side of the family due to her neglectful and abusive behaviour throughout my life and I could not expose myself or my children to it any longer. That was nearly 4 years ago. My step father who M classed as his grandfather passed away in January this year after a short battle with cancer. He hadn’t seen him since before the pandemic. Ms has no relationship was his biological father. 

    My youngest sons dad has been there for M since he was 6 and they get on great, we go on days out on his day off but he works 6 days a week so he’s not here a lot. 

    He can be very helpful and caring towards me and his brother he’s not always tricky to be around. In he is a buddy to a primary 1 child and he is also on the STEAM committee. Do you have any suggestions of a reasoning task you mentioned above? 

    He has many passions and things he’s good at. When he’s engaging in the things he enjoys he could play for hours. He loves Pokemon, he loves making clay models he’s great at drawing  things from imagination and loves story telling.  He’s at his happiest building Lego or playing with action figures and dinosaurs.