Need help for my sister

Glad I could help. My daughter is ok now, she's 15 so understands death. I have a 7 year old son, nearly 8 but not on the spectrum. To make her understand more, can you make her a social story about the death. I did this with my daughter and it helped quite a bit. It could help her understand more, especially because she's still young. You could also make one about the importance of eating and drinking. Do you know what a social story is? I'm still new to it but I give it my best. If you don't, you can create one on word, or publisher then print it out. I'll share the one I did for my daughter about her friend but you will need to adjust it based on your situation: I'll use Ava as my daughter's name and Sammie as her friends name, not their real names. I added pictures from the internet which are animated to help the visual side so she know what is happening better. 

Ava has a best friend. 

Ava's best friend is Sammie. 

Sammie was in a car crash.

Sammie was very hurt and taken to hospital.

Doctors couldn't help Sammie. 

Sammie died. 

Sammie is dead which means Ava can't see Sammie.

This makes Ava feel sad and worried. 

Ava can remember happy memories of Sammie. 

Ava can talk to mummy and daddy about how this makes Ava feel.

Mummy and daddy can help Ava.

This is a social story I did for my daughter. I broke down the main pieces of information making them simple and I added pictures from the internet to help her visualise it better. Maybe you could do this for your sister of you haven't already. I never knew about this until school explained it to me a few months ago. It works miracles at times. Hope this helps again. 

Hi thanks Parenting autism for your reply. It is hard on us all but especially on my sister, she's really struggling. She's eight years old and she won't tell us why she won't drink, though when I asked her if she was thirsty she shook her head no. So maybe she doesn't feel thirsty a lot? A reminder water bottle is a fabulous idea. I'm going to order one for her, just in case. I think your right about her missing our mum, they were very close and did most things together. Our mum used to talk to her about her favourite things and about Sofia the first which is her favourite show. Dad and I have tried doing the same but she won't talk to us. She used to talk to us before our mum passed, though she always spoke with mum more than us. But she did talk but she doesn't say anything any more. The tantrums happened before when our mum was still alive but not as often and when they did mum was able to calm her down. Usually she would talk to her, tell her everything was ok and then give her a hug. We've tried the same but she doesn't hear or listen and if we try to hug her she pushes us away. I'm very sorry about your daughter's best friend, death is hard, especially for somebody with Autism. Is she ok now? It's possible maybe she doesn't really understand what's happened and why our mum isn't here any more. Dad did explain what had happened and I have to but it's possible she didn't really understand. I don't know how we could make her understand any more. I wouldn't know what to say or do. 

Yes when she explodes we always stay with her but stand back just in case she accidentally hurts herself, we don't want her in her own when she's like this. Thanks for the suggestion, I think it's definitely worth a try playing her favourite songs or an episode of Sofia the first to see if that helps. Next time it happens I'll give it a try. Yes she did this before but does it more now. Our mum always managed to calm her down but dad and I aren't any good at it, it doesn't work when we try it. Thanks for the idea of the journal that's a great idea and I'll give it a go see if we can see what causes this to happen. If we can remove the things that causes it it may help my sister.

Thank you so much for all your help and advice. You've helped us a lot already, thank you.

Much appreciated. X

I'm sorry to hear your struggling with your little sister. It must be very hard. How old is she? Why does she stop drinking? My daughter doesn't drink throughout the day because she just forgets so we remind her and we have one of the bottles with times of the day on so she has to drink so much every hour. I'm sorry to hear about your mum, I'm here if you need to talk, we all are. Everyone grieves differently and by the sounds of it, this is normal. If she used to talk to your mum and now she's not here, she can't talk to her. She's most likely missing her. What did they talk about? Can you or your dad talk to her about what they used to talk about together? Did she talk to you both before? Are her tantrums new or has she had them before things happened? She's probably still grieving. My daughter lost her best friend last year and she would explode months later, and nothing would calm her. From my personal experience with my daughter, we found out that she didn't understand what happened to her friend, and she didn't accept that she was gone, then months later, it all hit her and she would just explode, what we thought was no reason. That was her best friend but when it's your own family member, you are all devastated. Does she understand death, and what happened. It's an upsetting topic and some people just don't believe and won't believe that such a thing can happen.

My number one advice when she explodes is much sure everyone's safe. Can you stand back and give her space when this happens? Can you play a favourite song or TV channel in the background that can distract her. This sometimes works but it can fuel things more and overload her and make the situation worse, keep that in mind. Did she explode before or just after? If she did before, what calmed her down. Sometime a weighted blanket can calm someone with autism down, or a hug, deep pressure, from my experience, everyone is different. When it does happen, talk to her in simple sentences and reassure her but don't talk touch and overwhelm her even more. Can you keep a journal of her behavior and when she explodes, and write down, who was there, what you were doing before hand, the time it started and ended, what happened during that time, where it was, what was in the background for example microwave, TV, radio, and maybe there is a pattern of behavior even though you might not realise it now. Do your best to take care of her and yourself, I know it's hard but things will get better, just give it time, I promise. Do your best for her. I don't know if this is any help, but I wish you luck for the future. Don't forget I've here if you need to rant or talk. Xx