Fed up with school altogether

Thank you, this is helpful. Predictably helps a lot. She doesn't have an everyday routine. She has a routine when getting up in the morning until she's ready for the day, a routine for bedtime and showering as well. She does have a visual weekly schedule so she can see what she's doing for the week. 

We don't have a diary but her father has noticed patterns. She goes through phases and it turns into a vicious circle but the past month or so there aren't patterns. We know triggers, change of staff, change in routine, different persons doing something that usually someone else does, like cooking dinner. She is calmer when there's no one in the house but myself and she's calmer when lying on the floor with her weighted blanket watching TV. Shes so relaxed when she does this. 

The school are trained for her needs because it is a school specializing in autism, so every student has a diagnosis. They said they can meet her needs when she first joined. But things started to get tricky because there was no pattern, she was new, they didn't know how to handle her but now they understand a lot more over the last 6 months she's been.

We've tried blood tests but she has a massive fear on needles so unless we held her and put up a fight, which I'm not willing to do, she won't have any done. 

I'm not sure if school have checked this out but they do know things like likes and dislikes, loud noises, busy places, people coming into her space, scratchy materials, and other things, list goes on forever. But im not sure what school are doing so I'm talking to them tomorrow when she come round. Thanks so much. 

That's what we thought but we weren't like that as kids. I have to admit that last year was the toughest time in her life and she was suicidal so when emergency services got involved she didn't want help and she is extremely irritable when she's in a depressed state. 

It seems like she reacts negatively to authority figures, she does not care and does whatever she wants, short tempered, hurts others, blames others, it sounds like ODD. I'm not sure how she's going to receive treatment for it though, with the way she lashes out and attacks people. Were you or her father like this too? It might be genetic. I only say that because I know a few family members who are similar in behavior, though not as servere.

It sounds so hard what you and your daughter are going through. I really do not know much as my child was recently diagnosed, but some idea/thoughts that might help:

1. Does she have a daily routine and pre-planned every move she makes/ does predictability help her?

2. When is she calmer? Do you keep a diary and have you noticed patterns of behaviour?

3. Are school staff trained on her special needs?

4. Did she have blood tests (e.g.check  glucose metabolism) recently? I think you probably mentioned that.

5. Was she ever checked on sensory sensitivities and how those impact on her? I know that those like every trait vary according to person as we are all different.

I hope that helps, if not apologies for my ignorance I hope I don't cause you more distress.

I wish you all the best, take care.

Yes, it's very hard to see it be done and how much she is struggling. I'll admit no tests have been done. 2 years ago, we started seeing CAMHS because her behavior wasn't good but not as severe as this and that's when they said the reason due to her behavior was autism. She was diagnosed and that was it. No further help and we've had people, teachers over the years saying about ADHD, OCD, maybe a bit of PTSD, ODD, but we haven't done anything. Medications don't really help, only the strong doses of the restraint would help. I'm at a lost, I just think there's more to her behavior than just autism. 

I'm just worried because looking back, she was arrested for quite a few serious offences, last year, and she was laughing and didn't really care, she was scared, and had apt of attitude and was refusing everything the police told her to do. I would never dare to do what she did to be honest. Luckily she got away with just a caution but the main problem which she kept getting done for was assaulting an emergency worker. A lot. That's just not normal. I just don't know what to do. She's older and she needs to take responsibility of her actions. She knows what she does isn't right but she'll blame others for her mistakes and actions and she just doesn't stop. I'm scared for her future. 

It is concerning how she is restrained and injected to keep herself safe. It must be hard for you to see your daughter in that state, and it must be hard for your daughter to not be able to control her aggression, even when she's trying really hard to calm down by telling people that she needs to be alone, and that she's even trying to hurt herself instead of other people to try and keep her aggression to herself, I can see how much she's struggling with it. I think that you as her parent will treat her better than anyone else she has in her life.

Has she done any physical examinations or scans to see if there's anything bad that's affecting her? I mean it'll probably be hard to keep her still for such tests though. 

I see where you are coming from but there is no other place she can go to. We've tried everything and she's in Year 11 so she only has a few months left in a mainstream school. This school can keep up until she's 19 which is why we out her there and because they said they can meet her needs. It's not a good fit when she's having a bad day, nearly everyday, because she comes home bruised and she's too violent and aggressive for teachers to deal with so they have no choice but to stand back and watch. 

Last year, she was in hospital because she was in a really bad place and it wasn't safe for her to come home and she basically destroyed the hospital, ripping radiators off the wall, so they had her in a room with security with a blanket and a mattress of the floor, that's it. She would also try escape and managed to a few times and she would attack the security and hospital staff, and she had to be put on 1 to 1 or 2 adults at times due to this. Most of the times, security was out the door and there was always a chemical restraint availed for her. The only thing they could do was restrain her completely and then inject her so she shouldn't move. The only thing to keep her safe and it was scary. She's attacked police before, like she has with teachers security and hospital staff. 

I'm saying this because it's like a pattern in behavior. She will attack people, damage property, hurt herself, do things you wouldn't see the average person do. It doesn't matter who it is or where she is, the behavior doesn't stop. It's worse when she's with someone else but when she's around family or at home, it's not as bad, she doesn't hurt anyone, maybe a few punches to herself and a few head bangs but otherwise she will just scream, cry and lie on the floor with her weighted blanket, and that's it. But anywhere else, this will be worse and can last hours. Why does that happen? Why is she so violent and aggressive all the time. She was a sweet little girl but now her own brother is scared of her, including the dog at times. 

She sort of reminds me of someone with ADHD, who has trouble focusing in class, irritatable and short tempered, can't stay still and needs to move around. I realize that traditional school settings are the worst for people like that.

What's concerning is that she's either taking her anger out on others or on herself, and I don't think that's good for her physically or mentally. 

I've heard of a story, where ADHD wasn't even a thing yet, and a mother brought this little girl to be assessed by the doctor, because the school thought she might have a learning disorder and because she was being disruptive in class.

The doctor turned on music on the radio, and stepped outside the office with the mother, and they saw the little girl jumping and twirling around to the music. The doctor said "there's nothing wrong with her, she's a dancer." and she was then enrolled into a dance school, and the little girl loved it, and she went on to become a professional ballet dancer. Her name is Gillian Lynne. I think that she got diagnosed with ADHD later in life.

I suppose that dancing has a lot of movement, routine, and excitement, which keeps someone with ADHD interested. But for many ADHD children, they are forced to stay with the traditional way of doing school, which is not a good fit for them, because they have the need to move around. In the right environments, I think anyone can thrive.

But all this trouble with the school is neither good for your daughter nor the staff at the school, and your daughter is even trying to punish herself as a means to not take her anger out on the teachers, yet the teachers just watch without interfering, because they don't understand what she's going through.

Is there really no other educational institution that's suitable for your daughter? I mean, being at a place where she's being tackled by staff until she's bruised (and she's brusing herself!) does not seem like the right fit for your daughter. 

UPDATE: She has most told me that she has bruises all over her body from Wednesday, including a partly swollen and bruised arm. She keeps coming home all bruised and she said it's because they hold her and that's it's a normal response for them to do that. Or because she has struggled and took it out on herself instead of teachers when losing control and teachers stand and watch 

That is exactly true. She has always struggled communicating and could never calm her self down and used to hurt teachers because they would follow her round previous schools. This school, they usually leave her alone because she would lock them out but this time, they wouldn't let her and what you said, they wouldn't listen and leave her alone. So me and her father are blaming the school for this because they escalated a situation they could easily manage. 

They tell her not to lock the doors but she does it because otherwise they will come in and won't leave her alone. She only lets everyone else in so she's not disrupting lessons, but if her staff come in, she will kick them so they get out. Why won't they leave her alone. 

Thanks, I mean she has been through enough already but she doesn't meet the criteria. Last year, one teacher said she could have ADHD and be bipolar but no diagnosis was made because she didn't meet it again. And she was assisted by CAMHS and they didn't do anything. The only reason she has the autism diagnosis is due to her senco at previous schools, suggesting it and that was the only time she was diagnosed. 

Possibly more than just Autism. Maybe, even, PTSD. 

I don't think the school trusts her, because she's attacked them, but if she requests to be left alone, because she's trying to cope with her distress, and if they don't accomodate her needs and keep interfering by walking into the room or trying to randomly talk to her when she doesn't want to be talked to, then she's not going to be happy about that, and she's going to react, she's going to explode, and everything goes downhill. 

She might have some mood irregularities which makes her frustrated easily, but she's trying to be good about it and cope with it, by using her words and telling them that she needs space. but they don't understand this. They are probably used to approaching someone in distress to try to talk to them, but that's not how you handle an autistic shutdown situation. She needs space to calm down.

When she is angry, she didn't just run up and attack people right away, she requested to be left alone, she tried to walk away from the situation  and calm down, and I think that's a mature thing to do. However, they kept bothering her and being intrusive, and that just made her angrier. So what did they think would happen if they kept poking the bear? 

I mean, if she was actually left alone, how would she injure anybody? There would be no one around her to injure. But their injuries suggest that they didn't leave her alone and made contact with her. 

We have a meeting at the house Monday, and we, myself and her father, have a lot to say to the school. This is the last chance at school for her. She's been to many schools and we don't want to keep changing environments and homeschooling just doesn't work. Maybe for a week but after that, it just goes down hill rapidly. 

She has never found school good so we tried homeschooling her for a few months because she wasn't doing well mentally and needed to be supervised at all times. She was also struggling because she was doing schooling online and she struggled to ask for help and participate in lessons. We then managed to get her into another school, a Pupil Referal Unit, where we had issues because she wasn't in lessons and would refuse to engage but nothing out of the norms. Now she is in a specialist school, she was doing better but since she's started, she has been violent towards staff and has very challenging behavior. But right now, she would prefer to be in school. 

Is she better at home than at school?

In my youth I found all schools to be a toxic environment.

We thought about that but no professionals helped and turned us down. She is like a switch, her mood can change instantly without warning and last year, it was like we were walking on eggshells but apparently she only has autism but there has to be something else going on. Blood tests come back negative for things. 

I always read your posts in order to keep up with latest adventures regarding your daughter.

Could she be bipolar?

I know a few people have mentioned that there could be more underlying mental issues which she hasn't been diagnosed for but she was a sweet little girl and it's ever since we've house a few years ago, she's struggled and isn't the same girl. We have tried getting professionals opinions but they've turned us down saying she only has autism but I don't feel like this is just the case. What do I do next? I need your opinion please. Thanks everyone for reading this, I have no one to turn to anymore. I'm sorry again.