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Husband struggles to understand

north london mum

Hello everyone. I haven’t used this site for a long time but I need some advise please. We have an amazing little boy who is 9 and will be 10 in January he has autism and has some speech. Last night I was talking to my husband about Christmas presents and our son had pointed out two teddys that he wanted I mentioned this to my husband and out of the blue he said His nearly 10 time to stop the teddys and he needs start wiping himself after toileting. 
I was taken aback by it my husband has always been amazing and supportive yes I am trying to encourage our son to be independent with things however he still needs alot of help and still loves his teddys. 
I just don’t know where it came from and not sure how to approach this I know we all see our friends children doing things that we all thought our child would be able to do but life is not always how you expect it to be so I don’t know if hubby is feeling a little pain in seeing this. 
I would really appreciate some advise or if any of you have experienced this before as I said he is an amazing dad and husband and does anything for us but this came as a shock to me as he is not normally like this. 

Parents

  • I think your husband is taking two aspects of his son's life that he finds distressing and conflating them into one single issue. He's quite right to want your son to be able to take charge of his own toilet hygiene at 9 years old.  That's very late in a child's life to still be reliant on a parent for that. That's the real issue here and its a practical one.

    But with respect to the teddy bears, he's mistaken. There are no age-restrictions or gender-restrictions to owning (and getting comfort from) cuddly toys—pr any sentimental objects.  Anyone at any age can have cuddly toys. I'm 50 and I have a gorgeous teddy bear, who sleeps in my bed every night. 

    Your husband needs to separate out these two aspects of your son's life, otherwise he risks damaging his little boy's self-esteem and denying him his birth right to express his love and receive love.  The world doesn't need any more males lacking empathy for themselves and others.

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