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Anger

NAS76123

Hi my daughter is 11 years old pediatrician has diagnosed her with autism/ social communications delay and anxiety she has been put on the waiting list for camhs but is an 18 months wait   im desperately after some help and advice recently when my daughter gets angry she has started  hitting herself punches herself in the head slaps her arms and legs and its becoming so distressing to watch i really dont know how to help her with this i normally talk softly to her and reassure her the best i can but i feel like im failing her we havent had any help just 1 pediatrician telephone call that lasted an hour the pediatrician has made an appointment for her but its 6 months away and just adviced i reach out through theses services She has just started senior school and isnt coping very well the work load is causing her distress the strict timeings to get from one class to another the change in teachers she hates pe and they do that most days which stresses her out  now the term has changed so has the lunch time routine her year is not first for lunches they are now 3rd which by that time the dining room is full and she finds it too overwleming we do make her a pack lunch but she really enjoyed the lunches she has 1 friend from her previous school which is in her class and thats it . most mornings we have full on meltdowns and she has even tried on one occasion to run away ive spoken with the school but i feel like they acknowledge what i say but dont act my last resort is to pull her from that school but i really dont want to pull her away from her only friend :( she doesnt communicate with others she is so fearful of rejection from others she applies so much pressure on herself to make sure everything runs smoothly and on time any help or advice would be greatly appreciated thank you for reading 

Parents

  • Hi

    Your message drew me in straightaway as this is similar to what our oldest twin boy is like. It all started when he began secondary school. Anger, distress, self harm, suicidal thoughts, self-hatred, feeling overwhelmed, distress by the constant changes at school and the need for strict timings and regulation of everything......The list could go on and on, Our son is being assessed formally now, for the autism spectrum. He is also attending a private counsellor specialising in children and young people, with extensive experience of those placed on the spectrum. The counsellor has been the single biggest help for our son. 
    As for the school.....they are a high attaining school, led by a very driven headteacher. The SEND lead has been vey good, when I could get hold of her. I too felt your sadness, fear and desperation. It has been so distressing watching what our child has been enduring. I just kept on and on with the school. It often felt that I was not heard at all. The counsellor sent a supporting letter to the school, with our son’s permission. Eventually I think, they realised that I was just not going to go away.

    I know that we have a long way to go with the assessment, but I am not so frightened anymore. I think the difference has been his counsellor. He gets an awful lot from seeing her. We do have to pay for him to see her privately, but it is worth it. I no longer feel so out of my depth, knowing there is someone there supporting our son who he is comfortable with, when we have struggled to do so. He is happier because he is able to talk to someone, when he has said himself he cannot do that with us as he does not want to upset us - he just wants cuddles and love from us.

    You know your child better than anyone and I would not presume to tell you what to do. All I can say is that getting our son to a counsellor has been worth its weight in gold. Combining that with endless hounding of the school has been our path so far. We have a way to go, but we are managing so far.

    Hope you get some useful advice and support. I wish I could help more........I am lost in this too. 

Reply

  • Hi

    Your message drew me in straightaway as this is similar to what our oldest twin boy is like. It all started when he began secondary school. Anger, distress, self harm, suicidal thoughts, self-hatred, feeling overwhelmed, distress by the constant changes at school and the need for strict timings and regulation of everything......The list could go on and on, Our son is being assessed formally now, for the autism spectrum. He is also attending a private counsellor specialising in children and young people, with extensive experience of those placed on the spectrum. The counsellor has been the single biggest help for our son. 
    As for the school.....they are a high attaining school, led by a very driven headteacher. The SEND lead has been vey good, when I could get hold of her. I too felt your sadness, fear and desperation. It has been so distressing watching what our child has been enduring. I just kept on and on with the school. It often felt that I was not heard at all. The counsellor sent a supporting letter to the school, with our son’s permission. Eventually I think, they realised that I was just not going to go away.

    I know that we have a long way to go with the assessment, but I am not so frightened anymore. I think the difference has been his counsellor. He gets an awful lot from seeing her. We do have to pay for him to see her privately, but it is worth it. I no longer feel so out of my depth, knowing there is someone there supporting our son who he is comfortable with, when we have struggled to do so. He is happier because he is able to talk to someone, when he has said himself he cannot do that with us as he does not want to upset us - he just wants cuddles and love from us.

    You know your child better than anyone and I would not presume to tell you what to do. All I can say is that getting our son to a counsellor has been worth its weight in gold. Combining that with endless hounding of the school has been our path so far. We have a way to go, but we are managing so far.

    Hope you get some useful advice and support. I wish I could help more........I am lost in this too. 

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