• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 68 subscribers
  • Views 678 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Anger

NAS76123

Hi my daughter is 11 years old pediatrician has diagnosed her with autism/ social communications delay and anxiety she has been put on the waiting list for camhs but is an 18 months wait   im desperately after some help and advice recently when my daughter gets angry she has started  hitting herself punches herself in the head slaps her arms and legs and its becoming so distressing to watch i really dont know how to help her with this i normally talk softly to her and reassure her the best i can but i feel like im failing her we havent had any help just 1 pediatrician telephone call that lasted an hour the pediatrician has made an appointment for her but its 6 months away and just adviced i reach out through theses services She has just started senior school and isnt coping very well the work load is causing her distress the strict timeings to get from one class to another the change in teachers she hates pe and they do that most days which stresses her out  now the term has changed so has the lunch time routine her year is not first for lunches they are now 3rd which by that time the dining room is full and she finds it too overwleming we do make her a pack lunch but she really enjoyed the lunches she has 1 friend from her previous school which is in her class and thats it . most mornings we have full on meltdowns and she has even tried on one occasion to run away ive spoken with the school but i feel like they acknowledge what i say but dont act my last resort is to pull her from that school but i really dont want to pull her away from her only friend :( she doesnt communicate with others she is so fearful of rejection from others she applies so much pressure on herself to make sure everything runs smoothly and on time any help or advice would be greatly appreciated thank you for reading 

  • Also you said she isn't coping with the work load, the other adjustments the school made was my son didn't do homework and wasn't given into trouble for it. He refused to do it anyway but the fear of a teacher confronting him was also overwhelming. He really needed home time to decompress. In his head school work should not be in his safe place.

    School is sensory overload for kids with autism. It's exhausting. He needed evenings and weekends to be left alone to be able to attend school.

    Ask her if there are any subjects she really hates (apart from maths and English) and if it's something you thing she will never need (my son is dyslexic and hated French, couldn't do it) so he dropped that early on and was allowed to go to pupil support room and do any homework or finish class work)... Hopefully things like this can take some pressure off your daughter

  • Your story is just like mine however my son is now 15. But when he was 11/12 he was exactly like your daughter. I'm sorry you are going through this it's just so hard.

    After many meetings and hounding the school they put things in place that might help ease things

    He got allowed to leave 5 mins before each class to miss the busy hall ways going between classes.

    He was allowed to leave 5 mins before lunch to miss the lunch queue.

    He was given a card that he just showed the teacher for when he was feeling overwhelmed and could go calm down in the hall or in the wellness room

    He hated being shouted at by teachers or when they used a tone of voice, so his teachers were asked to be considerate of this, also if he answers them back its not him being cheeky or disrespectful it's just him being literal. 

    Also they reduced his timetable, he was bullied at PE so he was allowed to sit that out, then as he got older he dropped another subject and had time in school to decompress. 

    Ask your daughter if she thinks things like that might help her, then tell the school to sort it out. Don't give them a choice, they are reasonable adjustments under the disability act. 

    And if you can find a therapist that she will engage with, that would be good. 

    All these helped for a while for my son however he now refuses to go to school... I hate that term school refuse because he doesn't refuse as such, it's more he can't cope, it's all too overwhelming. We are waiting to see if he can do home schooling. But he refuses to do anything school related until he has had this meeting... I have been lucky enough to be working from home so taking that demand/pressure off him has reduced the self harm and meltdowns to hardly ever. He is calmer, happier, is talking a little more about his feelings.... He is a smart kid, I'm hoping he will catch up with his education soon in a way that suits him.... Us changing our expectations of him is probably been the best thing we did to help improve his mental health. I suppose in my head I'm trying to see mainstream education from his point of view, he can't cope with change, he struggles with kids his age, he doesn't understand banter, he is more immature than his peers - secondary school is all of those things and more a million times per day, when he gets overwhelmed he self harms, becomes suicidal, shouts, swears... These are all part of his autism. If he had a physical disability I would be taking into account that and how to help him manage daily life to the best of his abilities. For right now keeping him calm, safe from himself, is what seems right for him right now. He has goals to be a teacher and wants his qualifications, I just think we have to find a way that suits him and his needs better.

    Sending love 

  • Hi

    Your message drew me in straightaway as this is similar to what our oldest twin boy is like. It all started when he began secondary school. Anger, distress, self harm, suicidal thoughts, self-hatred, feeling overwhelmed, distress by the constant changes at school and the need for strict timings and regulation of everything......The list could go on and on, Our son is being assessed formally now, for the autism spectrum. He is also attending a private counsellor specialising in children and young people, with extensive experience of those placed on the spectrum. The counsellor has been the single biggest help for our son. 
    As for the school.....they are a high attaining school, led by a very driven headteacher. The SEND lead has been vey good, when I could get hold of her. I too felt your sadness, fear and desperation. It has been so distressing watching what our child has been enduring. I just kept on and on with the school. It often felt that I was not heard at all. The counsellor sent a supporting letter to the school, with our son’s permission. Eventually I think, they realised that I was just not going to go away.

    I know that we have a long way to go with the assessment, but I am not so frightened anymore. I think the difference has been his counsellor. He gets an awful lot from seeing her. We do have to pay for him to see her privately, but it is worth it. I no longer feel so out of my depth, knowing there is someone there supporting our son who he is comfortable with, when we have struggled to do so. He is happier because he is able to talk to someone, when he has said himself he cannot do that with us as he does not want to upset us - he just wants cuddles and love from us.

    You know your child better than anyone and I would not presume to tell you what to do. All I can say is that getting our son to a counsellor has been worth its weight in gold. Combining that with endless hounding of the school has been our path so far. We have a way to go, but we are managing so far.

    Hope you get some useful advice and support. I wish I could help more........I am lost in this too.