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Am I good enough for my sons?

EmmaJK80

Hello! I have 2 amazing autistic children aged 12 and 9 who are non-verbal and also have global delay and sensory processing diversities. After speaking to their teachers, I realise it looks like they will need full-time care aside from me when they are adults. Frankly, I want to care for them and feel heartbroken I am not enough. I try my best and feel my efforts to help them have not been enough. I wonder if this is just how all parents feel regardless of if they have neurodiverse children or neurotypical ones - that their children will leave the nest.

How do I help my sons best? 

Best wishes, Emma 

  • in reply to Robert124

    Thank you for your words. I am so sorry for some of the experiences you have had. You certainly have made a difference for my boys and me and I appreciate it <3

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    Hello! Thank you for writing to me. I do try to do what I can. A few things get managed. :) I just lack confidence in my own abilities. My sons are amazing and I hurt thinking I am not good enough to help them do all they want. I will do my best and thanks again <3

  • in reply to Daniel

    Thank you for replying to me and I am so sorry to write back to you so late. Your words really help me and I am very grateful to you.

  • Emma,

    We have evidence that shows all autistic and neurodiverse people have something to offer society. I’ve listened to lots of parents share their experiences, they share the professionals were mistaken about their child’s capabilities. One shared a psychologist told her her daughter will require full time residential care, in secondary school the girl still couldn’t express her needs and didn’t interact with others. However, this severely autistic girl and her autistic sisters founded and run their own award winning business, their business, Relative Blue, is even online. 

    Even though your children are nonverbal they still have a chance at having a certain level of independence with the help and support they require. A teacher observed that the students who scored the lowest percentage in certain subjects, were also the students who scored highest in other areas. You’ve got to leave the traditional ways the majority do things, like in schools grades are a violence towards the developmental process, a 4th grade reader may be a 6th grade mathematician. The traditional ways prevent progress, that includes the traditional ways of predicting what an autistic person is capable of.

  • Back to your original question.

    Am I good enough for my sons?

    Yes you are because you actually asked the question.  Many parents, including my own, were clearly unfit to have children.

  • Sometimes you will try with all your might to take care of others, and you won't succeed in taking care of every single thing by yourself, but at least you can take care of - some - things, and that is better than nothing. I know it's difficult sometimes to see the things that you have done, because you are looking at what you are lacking, so you have to remind yourself at some point during the day, of the things you did manage to do for them that day. And I'm sure that if you need additional assistance for your children, there's services to help you out.