I'm lost and advice appreciated

Sounds a bit like me as a kid.

You used the word "control", and he does need to know what a slippery slope he is on if he cannot get control of his temper. It's hard enough having the ASD or ADD "label" it's WAY worse if you conform to the sterotype and act "disordered" rather than "different".. 

I play the game of life as if it were a childrens game, I recognise that there are rules that can be broken sucessfully and some that cannot. I also recognise that ASD carries the curse of "double standards" and for me the rules will be enforced differently than for others. Thsi can work both to my advantage and to my disadvantage, but unlike the normie kids, I need to figure it out for myself or from wiser Autistics.

If he builds on his niceness and develops strategies for holding the normies at bay, A.K.A. "self control" there's no reason he cannot get along in the world. I do. (mostly).  

Thank you so much for your reply. I have started going through techniques to help him control himself when he feels the red monster coming. Also started getting together some books. Can I ask if there is anything in particular that helped you? You are absolutely right when you say that it's one thing being different and another disordered. I had to fight so hard to get my eldest assessed and it was all because he wasn't disruptive he just use to sit in the class in his own world. He didn't learn a thing for a long time so it damaged him but it ment he didn't bother the teachers. Now he is at secondary school and is flying in certain subjects- we never realised how clever he was! My youngest is the opposite he is very clever and is doing well with all the academic stuff but he is losing control so the school are referring him with urgency. I'm not complaining he obviously needs to be assessed but the system is shocking!!

I've been thinking for a while about starting a thread entitled "Are we Dr Evil?" for some time now.

Let's face the facts. Autism tends to socially isolate us in a world that seems designed to irritate us.

That does not set up the average Autist with a path to becoming a nice and productive member of society does it? Indeed, it would be more likely to set one up for a life of being annoyed and never quite knowing what to do about it, except to be a bane to others (in the guise of "striking back"). I could not help but notice how many TV villains (particulary on childrens T.V. which anyone who has a child gets to watch quite a lot of) showed Autistic traits.

Here, I've noted that the adult Autists tend to have worked out that starting or engaging in endless political conflict does not serve their emotional needs at all well, but the younger ones can be very opinionated and feisty. 

I was lucky enough at the age of six to identify (but not understand) the "double standard". For an Autist of course it was in my youth adn most probably still is: "They can bully you, but if you fight back physically and prevail (even if they are hitting you!) you will be held to be in the wrong. Knowing that I could not ever "win" by using my fists forced me to find other soutions that did not involve losing my temper. Leaving the situation abruptly is one of my favourites. "Delaying my response in order to do it properly" is another favourite anger management technicque. With Normies, it's all about popularity and psychology. "Popularity" can be engendered easily using psychology of course, if you want that sort of popularity, but popularity of a different sort also comes from being a proper functioning decent human being.

Your kid will proobably be motivated by "what seems best for him". Get him to examine the concepts of best and worst, good and bad, and how they relate to him. If he makes short term choices that seem best but are not, like doing theft, or taking on credit, just explain to him how this stuff works, and let him make his choices. By focussing on what's best for me, I eventually realised it was living in peace and harmony with those around me, the very thing that Autism can prevent. However, people are relatively simple, in their drives, myself included, and as the guy on "Dark side of the moon" says; Good manners don't cost nuffin' do they? 

He does not HAVE to grow up to be Dr Evil, but he needs tools to help him cope. I found my own tools, in reading Jung & the New Testament of teh Bible when I was a kid, then graduating to other wise stuff like "games people play" & "the illuminatus trilogy" when I hit my twenties. It's been a long road for me as I was undiagnosed and had to try and figure things out from a deluded perspective "There's nothing wrong with you, except a bad attitude. Straighten up and fly right" which whilst essentialy true from the normal perspective was not very helpful to me. The one thing as an Autist that you DO have to assert totalitarian control over, is yourself.

The rewards we get for doing that is that we can do stuff the normal people think is way out of their reach, if we don't get bogged down in the silly stuff. We autists are like marmite. People either love us or hate us. They either see us a threat or envy us our abilties. It's a condition of extremes it would seem...

I hope that helps in some way. I tend to use too many words, I am sorry for that.  

Jim Carrey as Dr Robotnik. 

Jim Carrey as Dr Robotnik.