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I'm lost and advice appreciated

NAS75667

Hello everyone I'm new, not even sure I'm in the right place and could really do with some help!

Bit of background I'm a mum of three my eldest son is 12 and was diagnosed with ASD after an extremely long 6 year battle last year, I then have a daughter who is 8 who is 'neurotypical' and my youngest son who just turned 6 last week who I'm really struggling with. Up to a few months ago I would have put my youngest in the neurotypical category. He has always been a bit of a handful and demanding but I always thought he was a typical youngest child and a bit of a rough lad. Through pre school I had no issues and in reception he was fine untill about a month before the end of term when his teacher said he started shouting out randomly in class and was getting very rough with some other children. This came to a head when he kicked a ta in a rage- I was completely taken a back and school started coming to me with plans for the SENCO to get involved. I felt that maybe all the covid stuff was effecting him and said I was happy to go down the SENCO route to get him assessed but thought maybe we could try some stuff in school first to promote his mental health etc. Anyway things settled then he broke up for summer and that was that. First 3 weeks of year 1 all good. However the last 3 weeks things have spiralled out of control. He hit a pe teacher in a rage a week ago and is displaying aggressive behaviour towards children mainly in the playground. It all came to ahead today when they tried to tell him they were putting him in an 'exclusion zone' in the play ground and he bolted out the class to the back of the field and they had to call me to go and get him as he wouldn't go to any of the teachers. When I look at all the incidences the thing that stands out is a change in adult- his teacher has been off sick this week, the incidence in pe was also with a different adult. I asked him why he hurt the children today and he said they were getting too close and I told them to move away but they didn't. He explains it as he just loses control and almost doesn't realise what he is doing. After both major incidences when he gets home he is in bits crying saying how sorry he is he looks completely Brocken. School are hinting that they think he may have ADHD and I feel like maybe Iv missed something. My eldest is so typical with obsessions, ticks, awkward social interactions etc that I feel maybe that has blinded me to think it can't be asd  or similar because he doesn't do those things. What my eldest isn't is aggressive he has tantrums occasionally but very very rarely actually lashes out. It's the aggression towards others that I'm finding so hard.

Im sorry that was so long but it feels good to write it down.  If anyone has any advice it would be much appreciated as I just feel so sad for him he is such a bright and caring boy but he just doesn't seem to have control. 

Parents

  • Sounds a bit like me as a kid.

    You used the word "control", and he does need to know what a slippery slope he is on if he cannot get control of his temper. It's hard enough having the ASD or ADD "label" it's WAY worse if you conform to the sterotype and act "disordered" rather than "different".. 

    I play the game of life as if it were a childrens game, I recognise that there are rules that can be broken sucessfully and some that cannot. I also recognise that ASD carries the curse of "double standards" and for me the rules will be enforced differently than for others. Thsi can work both to my advantage and to my disadvantage, but unlike the normie kids, I need to figure it out for myself or from wiser Autistics.

    If he builds on his niceness and develops strategies for holding the normies at bay, A.K.A. "self control" there's no reason he cannot get along in the world. I do. (mostly).  

Reply

  • Sounds a bit like me as a kid.

    You used the word "control", and he does need to know what a slippery slope he is on if he cannot get control of his temper. It's hard enough having the ASD or ADD "label" it's WAY worse if you conform to the sterotype and act "disordered" rather than "different".. 

    I play the game of life as if it were a childrens game, I recognise that there are rules that can be broken sucessfully and some that cannot. I also recognise that ASD carries the curse of "double standards" and for me the rules will be enforced differently than for others. Thsi can work both to my advantage and to my disadvantage, but unlike the normie kids, I need to figure it out for myself or from wiser Autistics.

    If he builds on his niceness and develops strategies for holding the normies at bay, A.K.A. "self control" there's no reason he cannot get along in the world. I do. (mostly).  

Children
  • in reply to I Sperg

    Thank you so much for your reply. I have started going through techniques to help him control himself when he feels the red monster coming. Also started getting together some books. Can I ask if there is anything in particular that helped you? You are absolutely right when you say that it's one thing being different and another disordered. I had to fight so hard to get my eldest assessed and it was all because he wasn't disruptive he just use to sit in the class in his own world. He didn't learn a thing for a long time so it damaged him but it ment he didn't bother the teachers. Now he is at secondary school and is flying in certain subjects- we never realised how clever he was! My youngest is the opposite he is very clever and is doing well with all the academic stuff but he is losing control so the school are referring him with urgency. I'm not complaining he obviously needs to be assessed but the system is shocking!!