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behaviour

4littleavengers

Hello we have been told by  my 6 year old daughters paediatric doctor that she may have aspergers. She is prone to really bad melt downs at home and out shopping etc i talked to school because i wanted to keep them in the loop  i had a meeting with the sen and special needs teacher i told them all about my daughters habits/ways such as she sniffs stones,books,pantyliners etc holds our faces tightly and rubs with her tongue sticking out. She refuses to wear jeans and hates tights takes her ages to put her socks on. she is very often aggressive with me her dad, brother,sisters if we are out shopping she screams shouts and lays on the floor she her voice is high pitch and she says everyones staring at me. She always washers her hands and hates getting them dirty she is also  a very fussy eater. The thing is school made me feel crap they said she is perfect at school very quiet and timid so i need to make her bahave and let her know i'm the boss i was told in there opinion theres no medical problem i'm left feeling stupid but life for our family at home and out shopping etc is hard work my other children are not perfect but they know when to behave. Is it possible that a child with aspergers can be good at school but prone to melt downs at home? please help and sorry about going on just feel like no one gets it if that makes sense. thanks

Parents

  • Hi 4littleavengers,

    Yes, lots of people post on here to say they have similar situations with schools, and that their children are quiet and well behaved at school, but let go when they get home. I think it is quite typical. They can keep in the background at school and get through the day, but then the tension has to be released when they feel safe at home. It makes it really tough for you, as you have to deal with the behaviour, and teachers often don't seem to get this; I know of other cases where they try to blame parenting skills, but it most definitely isn't! I think it probably makes it tougher for you to fight for your daughter's needs at school, as she isn't causing the teachers any problems, so they don't see her problems. I'm sure other people in this situation on the forum will be able to offer you advice on how to deal with the school, but they really need to be aware that this is quite a typical Aspergers pattern of behaviour. We found that when the Educational Psychologist visited my son in school, she picked up on loads of patterns of behaviour that showed he wasn't coping, and things I'd never have noticed myself (though at that stage, he was externalising a lot of his anxiety at school too, so the teachers were keen to do something, though I felt that our parenting skills were being questioned too, and it really hurts, doesn't it?).

    A formal diagnosis should help you, I'd think; are you in the process of getting one? Keep strong, and keep fighting your daughter's corner! I'm sure others on here will be able to give you other helpful suggestions.

    Bw,

    Kitkat

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  • Hi 4littleavengers,

    Yes, lots of people post on here to say they have similar situations with schools, and that their children are quiet and well behaved at school, but let go when they get home. I think it is quite typical. They can keep in the background at school and get through the day, but then the tension has to be released when they feel safe at home. It makes it really tough for you, as you have to deal with the behaviour, and teachers often don't seem to get this; I know of other cases where they try to blame parenting skills, but it most definitely isn't! I think it probably makes it tougher for you to fight for your daughter's needs at school, as she isn't causing the teachers any problems, so they don't see her problems. I'm sure other people in this situation on the forum will be able to offer you advice on how to deal with the school, but they really need to be aware that this is quite a typical Aspergers pattern of behaviour. We found that when the Educational Psychologist visited my son in school, she picked up on loads of patterns of behaviour that showed he wasn't coping, and things I'd never have noticed myself (though at that stage, he was externalising a lot of his anxiety at school too, so the teachers were keen to do something, though I felt that our parenting skills were being questioned too, and it really hurts, doesn't it?).

    A formal diagnosis should help you, I'd think; are you in the process of getting one? Keep strong, and keep fighting your daughter's corner! I'm sure others on here will be able to give you other helpful suggestions.

    Bw,

    Kitkat

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