behaviour

not sure why she insists shes poorly its heart breaking she gets so upset.

Is there an issue at school which may explain why she insists she's poorly?

hello thanks for the replies makes me feel better i was starting to think i was going mad. We have seen the paediatric doctor once and my little girl was on full form i was told that she doesn't listen justs asks more questions non stop she also said shes above averange intellegent she only stared school in sept but she can read shes  been moved upto year 1 from reception mornings are hard she refuses to get dressed and begs to stay at home she insists shes poorly. The teacher has to drag her in most mornings. We are also waiting to go for blood tests for fragile x etc... the doctor said she looks different i must admit she looks different to my other children but shes beautiful big brown eyes bless her. I spent the wkend dwelling on what they said at school so i walked into school and told them i'm not happy and i know i'm a bloody good mum and i do discipline her bahaviour isn't my fault!!! and i feel better for saying what i feel.When she was a baby she never crawled or walked round furniture she couldn't sit independently for more than a few seconds at 9 monthes she then went on to bottom shuffle and walked around two years when she hit 2 1/2 gone was my well behaved little girl.

thanks m

Hello yes it is possible. Some children with aspergers, more so with girls, find coping mechanisms for times when they are at school. It can be so demanding for them eg. with the lessons, changes in routine, social rules and when they come home (where they feel safe) they let it all out! its the jekyl and hyde situation. Our son was the opposite all his behaviour was at school, lashing out, shouting out etc so the school thought we were god awful parents who had spoilt him and kept suggesting PPP courses. Pretty much laughed in my face when I repeatedly tried to tell them that he was nothing like that at home or anywhere else for that matter.

This is nothing really to do with your original question but we had similar problems with shopping with our son but not as extreme by that I mean when we had got half way around the supermarket his behaviour started to change eg messing, becoming argumentative, very loud etc and I once read something which made a lot of sense to me. When we walk into a room our minds process up to 10000 different things without trying, but we will of entered that room with prehaps 15 things which we intended on finding. So our minds will take that 15 items and put it on a desk in front of us, then take the other 9985 and put them in a 'filing cabinet' but a child with ASD/aspergers will see the 10000 things and put them straight on to the desk and they will just see that huge pile and it will keep growing.

Now when I take my son shopping I tell him what I need and also ask him if he wants to hold my written list to make sure I don't forget anything . try to keep your time shopping as short as possible let her know exactly where you are going and what for before you go. I have become a speed shopper now, and I can do a weeks shopping in less than 20 minutes and my son is much happier for it.

Hi 4littleavengers,

Yes, lots of people post on here to say they have similar situations with schools, and that their children are quiet and well behaved at school, but let go when they get home. I think it is quite typical. They can keep in the background at school and get through the day, but then the tension has to be released when they feel safe at home. It makes it really tough for you, as you have to deal with the behaviour, and teachers often don't seem to get this; I know of other cases where they try to blame parenting skills, but it most definitely isn't! I think it probably makes it tougher for you to fight for your daughter's needs at school, as she isn't causing the teachers any problems, so they don't see her problems. I'm sure other people in this situation on the forum will be able to offer you advice on how to deal with the school, but they really need to be aware that this is quite a typical Aspergers pattern of behaviour. We found that when the Educational Psychologist visited my son in school, she picked up on loads of patterns of behaviour that showed he wasn't coping, and things I'd never have noticed myself (though at that stage, he was externalising a lot of his anxiety at school too, so the teachers were keen to do something, though I felt that our parenting skills were being questioned too, and it really hurts, doesn't it?).

A formal diagnosis should help you, I'd think; are you in the process of getting one? Keep strong, and keep fighting your daughter's corner! I'm sure others on here will be able to give you other helpful suggestions.

Bw,

Kitkat

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Hello we have been told by  my 6 year old daughters paediatric doctor that she may have aspergers. She is prone to really bad melt downs at home and out shopping etc i talked to school because i wanted to keep them in the loop  i had a meeting with the sen and special needs teacher i told them all about my daughters habits/ways such as she sniffs stones,books,pantyliners etc holds our faces tightly and rubs with her tongue sticking out. She refuses to wear jeans and hates tights takes her ages to put her socks on. she is very often aggressive with me her dad, brother,sisters if we are out shopping she screams shouts and lays on the floor she her voice is high pitch and she says everyones staring at me. She always washers her hands and hates getting them dirty she is also  a very fussy eater. The thing is school made me feel crap they said she is perfect at school very quiet and timid so i need to make her bahave and let her know i'm the boss i was told in there opinion theres no medical problem i'm left feeling stupid but life for our family at home and out shopping etc is hard work my other children are not perfect but they know when to behave. Is it possible that a child with aspergers can be good at school but prone to melt downs at home? please help and sorry about going on just feel like no one gets it if that makes sense. thanks also she can't sleep without about 4 inches of her special blanket in her mouth .