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Public meltdown

Jellybean

Son broke his glasses friday morning. He's unable to see without them so I made an apt friday night to get them fixed at the opticians. Our opticians is in a huge shopping centre, I can't pull him out of school to go and I'm not talkng him on a busy weekend so 6pm weekday seemed like an ok time. 

Got to the centre, walked straight to the opticians and he was ok. Fixed his glasses in under 10mins BUT as they had new parts on my son could feel they were different and this started his worrying and upset.

We left the shop to head back to the car as quickly as possible but only made it to the centre entrance before the mother of all meltdowns. My son stood in the doorway to the shopping centre scrraming, punching, kicking, headbutting and scratching me. I did everything I possibly could to try and comfort him, try and get him back to his safe space of the car. Tried to reassure him and calm him down but all to no avail. He is far too big and heavy for me to lift up and he wasn't moving of his own accord. Hundreds of people were walking in and out of the centre and just staring at us and gossiping (I'm used to this) but then security appeared.

No help was offered, they stood with phones in their hands stating at us, like I was a criminal because my son was distressed. Finally, after 20mins I got my son out of the centre and into the car park - meltdown still in progress. Security continued to follow us outside, still staring with phones in their hand. More people standing and watching us as my son launched his glasses into the road. 

After he finally calmed a bit, I managed to get him into the car and strapped in safe but security stood and watched until we pulled away. 

I now feel like the police or social services will turn up at any moment accusing me of trying to harm or abduct him! I don't know if security were reporting us or filming us or what. I'm terrified of ever taking him out again

  • Hi. We had a similar meltdown last Sunday. On a street busy with cars but not many people. But my son was screaming so loud I was wondering if anyone is gonna call police on us as it must have look like I was trying to kidnap him lol. My main concern at the time was for him not to run into the road. I could not even explain to anyone what has happening if they asked as I could not take my eyes of him. It makes it tricky so I know what you've been through Disappointed relieved

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    I liked the article written by a very sensible person. I will point one part of it only that should be enough: ''They fawn'' as a long term side effect, my lifetijme experience.

    in a situation like that nobody ever was on my side and usually I was rewarded with extra punishment

    so yes, please try to find a way to avoid it.

  • Might be prudent to have jumpers made with the autistic logo on them... Since you don't go often, when going to a busy environment, I wonder if CDB would help any? 

    With new items, perhaps it's good to continually give instruction: "your glasses will feel different" for days in advance. And even before he try them on. I might have him close his eyes while there (with ear plugs if possible) and see if he can tell me or point out all the ways they're different. Sitting with one new sensation and again - talking through it if possible. If he's open to turning something new into a focused game of discovery it could help in many ways. You might already do this.

    I used to hold everything in and then just get angry. So maybe another solution might be getting him to talk through the process, which is what I automatically did with my son given that I never had warnings growing up. Take a little more time when going out to pause in-take and talk about how busy it is, arrive at the opticians and pause again to talk through the sounds, the lights, the music. Maybe work on a time limit and give him a stopwatch to focus on which is counting down (if it hits zero, you will have to leave and come back resetting the watch). Does he have ear defenders? Some of these things may take extra time right now and as he gets older, the process will become less disastrous with mind-full elements to be focus on/aware of. Even help just identifying all of this can be helpful.  

  • I wouldn't mind being left in a car with a pocket book of sudoku, but that could be misinterpreted as well probably, they are masters of finding offense where is none

    forgot about no glasses, so magnifying glass for more fun ?

  • Well at malls there's many instances of children crying on a daily basis, so that's not too unusual. But of course people want to know that a child is safe. It can be hard to take children anywhere, regardless of whether they have autism or not, since they can become distressed at a moment's notice. I'd usually go places early to avoid situations where there's a lot of people everywhere. I can't believe security didn't say anything and only followed you around, that's just creepy. I think that if anyone does show up at your door, that you can explain what happened with the glasses. I hope you and your son will be okay.