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Aggression

ParentingAutism

Hi, hope you are all doing well. My daughter is concerning us and the school. She has just had a week, where she has had to be held every single day. We are trying very hard to understand her but it doesn't help that she doesn't fully understand herself, but we are working on it. Her behavior is very challenging and we are getting professionals in the school, who are seeing how they can help more. She was on 2:1 but now 1:1. Behavior is a form of communication and we do our best to find out what's wrong, even if she doesn't know what the issue is herself.

For example, Thursday, she went to school fine, got in her taxi (which is new to her), her first lesson (Science) went well, I believe. Then came English, I believe she didn't want to do the work, and didn't like the staff so she left the room and took a loop round the school, went back into the class room and locked her staff out. After that, support was called and stood outside the doors because it's a warning things can escalate. One of the staff, which was a male so it didn't help, tried to talk to her but she threw a chair at him. She then found a pair of scissors and picked up a little rock, and started marking the walls. She was out of their site, standing behind a wall so they sent her favorite staff member in to keep an eye of her. She didn't like this and then left with the blade part of the scissors in her hand and later of then had enough and kicked the male teacher and then they held her until she dropped the scissors but they had to do this themselves. Of course, she was not happy and tried jumping the fence, where a teacher caught her and she got held straight after and started attacking everyone, then calmed her down. She keeps 'attacking' and hurting the staff to the point where one teacher couldn't walk. She will damage things and hurt herself during all this. She doesn't want to be held. I mean who does but how do we stop this from happening. I don't know what to do.

She is very aggressive to everyone, me, school, police, emergency workers because she finds them a threat. Anyone in uniform. She threatens to stab and kill her siblings to the point where her 8 year old brother is petrified when she shouts or comes close to him. She's beaten him out before and thrown knives at him so I'm not surprised. I need to try and keep them safe but her at the same time, all by myself because my husband is working. I've gotten closer to her and understood her more but I'm still stuck about we can do to help. She can't self-regulate herself and things can go from 0 to 100 in seconds. 

Parents

  • The problem is there is no proportionate response the teachers can make. They can’t just send in the biggest teacher to grab her wrist and pry the scissors out of her hand. They either jump her on mass if they think she’s a danger or let her at it and keep clear. So she thinks she can get away with things, until suddenly she can’t and she’s surprised by the forceful reaction because up till then her actions didn’t have consequences.

    there needs to be proportionate consequences to her actions and there needs to be a gradual sliding scale as her behaviour, particularly violent behaviour, gets more serious.

  • in reply to Peter

    She is praised a lot when she does the right things to encourage more of the positive behavior and they have a weekly point chart, where they have to get their points for every lesson and break and lunch and the more points she gets, the better the reward she can do on Friday but she loves that, visually seeing how amazing her week is and getting lots of ticks, but she doesn't really enjoy the rewards and depending on what staff she has, depends on what she wants to do. Therefore, she's not really bothered by points and will happily stay in school. 

    The things is, she knows that they will need to hold her and she will let that happen. She will be walking down the corridor and then she will swing or kick a teacher knowing that they will jump her. Then she will let her anger and frustration and on them but sometimes she becomes to violent that they have to let go and move away. 

    It's happened many times now and she knows what will happen. She knows if she bites, someone will hold her head. She knows that if she leans forward, they can't get her into a seated position. She knows that if she kicks, they will wedge her legs into the wall. She knows what will happen. She will usually kick someone and she will know what she is doing. We've seen the same thing when dealing with the police, or anyone in a uniform. She will run, they will chase her then grab hold of her, she will kick and lash out, she will be placed in handcuffs. How do I punish her when she lashes out in school. Teacher's see it differently, that there is a problem but she can't find the right words to explain herself, or that something is up but she doesn't quite know what. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    This is going to sound odd but is she getting enough hugs? I know a lot of autistic people don't like physical contact but it almost seems as if she’s seeking physical contact in these situations.

  • in reply to Lau

    Thanks, I did look on one site but it was just too expensive. I'm going to keep looking but no where really sells them for a good price. 

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