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Aggression

ParentingAutism

Hi, hope you are all doing well. My daughter is concerning us and the school. She has just had a week, where she has had to be held every single day. We are trying very hard to understand her but it doesn't help that she doesn't fully understand herself, but we are working on it. Her behavior is very challenging and we are getting professionals in the school, who are seeing how they can help more. She was on 2:1 but now 1:1. Behavior is a form of communication and we do our best to find out what's wrong, even if she doesn't know what the issue is herself.

For example, Thursday, she went to school fine, got in her taxi (which is new to her), her first lesson (Science) went well, I believe. Then came English, I believe she didn't want to do the work, and didn't like the staff so she left the room and took a loop round the school, went back into the class room and locked her staff out. After that, support was called and stood outside the doors because it's a warning things can escalate. One of the staff, which was a male so it didn't help, tried to talk to her but she threw a chair at him. She then found a pair of scissors and picked up a little rock, and started marking the walls. She was out of their site, standing behind a wall so they sent her favorite staff member in to keep an eye of her. She didn't like this and then left with the blade part of the scissors in her hand and later of then had enough and kicked the male teacher and then they held her until she dropped the scissors but they had to do this themselves. Of course, she was not happy and tried jumping the fence, where a teacher caught her and she got held straight after and started attacking everyone, then calmed her down. She keeps 'attacking' and hurting the staff to the point where one teacher couldn't walk. She will damage things and hurt herself during all this. She doesn't want to be held. I mean who does but how do we stop this from happening. I don't know what to do.

She is very aggressive to everyone, me, school, police, emergency workers because she finds them a threat. Anyone in uniform. She threatens to stab and kill her siblings to the point where her 8 year old brother is petrified when she shouts or comes close to him. She's beaten him out before and thrown knives at him so I'm not surprised. I need to try and keep them safe but her at the same time, all by myself because my husband is working. I've gotten closer to her and understood her more but I'm still stuck about we can do to help. She can't self-regulate herself and things can go from 0 to 100 in seconds. 

  • in reply to Lau

    Thanks, I did look on one site but it was just too expensive. I'm going to keep looking but no where really sells them for a good price. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Learning space or sensory direct are online I’ve purchased a number of items from both and I’ve been very happy with the quality and delivery times. The only negative is weighted clothing can be a bit expensive. I’m sure there may be other shops people can recommend. 

  • in reply to Lau

    Yes, I have looked at purchasing a weighted vest but they seem to small for her. I will look for a hoody but I'm not sure where I could order one. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    I have weighted blankets for my boys and they are great for regulation. A weighted vest or hoody could be something she could wear all throughout the day to give her that deep pressure while being on the move as the blankets can get quite heavy.

  • in reply to Desmond79

    She has low self esteem and self confidence but she has said to me that this is the happiest she has ever been in school for years. Teachers say she has settled in well and that she is getting much more comfortable, sometimes too comfortable. She is very sassy in school and she won't wear shoes in school so they are going to buy some slippers. 

    But I agree with what you say, there has to be something that makes her want adventure, she always has and probably always will. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    To me, it looks like she'll NEVER be comfortable in School. There must be something deep inside which makes her yearn for adventure.

    If nothing changes, nothing changes. 

  • in reply to Lau

    The school does have a weighted blanket she can use, which they use when she needs it and when calming her down. She also has a weighted blanket here at home. School have more sensory things they use for her as well. She will tend to sleep under it in school, after having a hard time. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Could you purchase a weighted vest or weighted hoody or weighted hat? They really help with pressure seeking. Or see if the school could provide one? 

  • in reply to Peter

    Thank you, I thought I was going crazy at one point thinking she was wanting to be held but I guess I'm not because they will hold her with some grip and pressure. She seeks deep pressure, so a weighted blanket is great for her. No, we don't give her hugs much because she doesn't want them and it will have to be her wanting the hug first. Now you've mentioned it, it all makes sense if she is seeking physical contact. Thanks so much. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    This is going to sound odd but is she getting enough hugs? I know a lot of autistic people don't like physical contact but it almost seems as if she’s seeking physical contact in these situations.

  • in reply to Peter

    She is praised a lot when she does the right things to encourage more of the positive behavior and they have a weekly point chart, where they have to get their points for every lesson and break and lunch and the more points she gets, the better the reward she can do on Friday but she loves that, visually seeing how amazing her week is and getting lots of ticks, but she doesn't really enjoy the rewards and depending on what staff she has, depends on what she wants to do. Therefore, she's not really bothered by points and will happily stay in school. 

    The things is, she knows that they will need to hold her and she will let that happen. She will be walking down the corridor and then she will swing or kick a teacher knowing that they will jump her. Then she will let her anger and frustration and on them but sometimes she becomes to violent that they have to let go and move away. 

    It's happened many times now and she knows what will happen. She knows if she bites, someone will hold her head. She knows that if she leans forward, they can't get her into a seated position. She knows that if she kicks, they will wedge her legs into the wall. She knows what will happen. She will usually kick someone and she will know what she is doing. We've seen the same thing when dealing with the police, or anyone in a uniform. She will run, they will chase her then grab hold of her, she will kick and lash out, she will be placed in handcuffs. How do I punish her when she lashes out in school. Teacher's see it differently, that there is a problem but she can't find the right words to explain herself, or that something is up but she doesn't quite know what. 

  • The problem is there is no proportionate response the teachers can make. They can’t just send in the biggest teacher to grab her wrist and pry the scissors out of her hand. They either jump her on mass if they think she’s a danger or let her at it and keep clear. So she thinks she can get away with things, until suddenly she can’t and she’s surprised by the forceful reaction because up till then her actions didn’t have consequences.

    there needs to be proportionate consequences to her actions and there needs to be a gradual sliding scale as her behaviour, particularly violent behaviour, gets more serious.