Does it get better?

Maybe you're looking for certainty, a certain answer for your son's future, so you will know what kind of steps to take, but it's hard for anyone to grant you that kind of knowledge. All you can do is take things one day at a time, one step at a time, and when he has to start school, just see where his development is at, and make your decision based on that. 

Also be careful about comparing him to anyone else, because he can only be himself. He might have sensory issues that overwhelm him and makes him have meltdowns or shutdowns, and he is in a strange world where people have already laid out all these expectations that are beyond his current level of understanding, so who knows the kind of pressure this little boy is going through. 

I don’t have any expectations for him. The uncertainty is hard for me, but I appreciate the words you said in your first paragraph — that’s very helpful.

I don’t have any expectations for him. The uncertainty is hard for me, but I appreciate the words you said in your first paragraph — that’s very helpful.

His ABA is child-led and play based. His therapist is an angel who has a masters in child development and he adores her. He loves going and has fun there — lots of play centered around his interests and lots of peer interaction. Right now they/we are mostly focused on helping him communicate because that’s where most of his frustration is stemming from. Also, helping him process his emotions and senses in a healthy way so he isn’t a risk to himself and others.

Okay, let's back up a little. We took the time to read your post and reply to it. I know you are looking for some comfort, and you're uncertain about your son and his development, and I feel for you. That's scary. You don't know if he'll ever progress beyond where he is.

But we are also concerned about if you're looking at things through your son's perspective, and it's because we are on the autistic spectrum, and we know how overwhelmed your son is feeling, having been through that life stage ourselves. 

You say you're doing everything you can, and getting angry and defensive and upset that you're not getting comfort or empathy, but we have issues showing that sometimes. I'm trying my best through typing to show support, but I don't think I did that well, because you're upset at what I've said. But I hope the best for your family anyways.

I want nothing more than for him to be happy and comfortable. That’s literally what I’m striving to do every second of every day. To me, if he was happy and comfortable, that WOULD be progress.

“And you only want comfort for yourself, you see things in terms of how your son is negatively impacting you, and you disregard you're son's perception about how things might be negatively impacting him.” 

I think about how things impact him ALL the time. Gosh! This was one post about one things I’m feeling (along with the other million things I think about him daily). I was looking for some comfort and empathy because I was in a dark place. It didn’t mean I wasn’t still thinking about my son 99% of the time.

Based on the post you've written, you do have expectations for him, which is why you said that he takes one step forward and two steps back. That's based on expecting him to keep going forwards, but he's not progressing fast enough like you expected him to.

And you only want comfort for yourself, you see things in terms of how your son is negatively impacting you, and you disregard you're son's perception about how things might be negatively impacting him. I mean you're not expected to be a perfect parent, so stop putting yourself down and saying "sorry I'm a [insert something negative] mother." All you can do is try to empathise with his view of the world, and try to adjust things so he's comfortable with the family, and the family is comfortable with him. 

I'm really sorry but it sounds like you do have expectations for him. You talk a lot about him 'progressing' in terms of his development and perhaps it would help you and him if him being happier and more comfortable was your focus, rather than 'progression'. Not knowing what the future holds is so daunting, I know, I do understand that, and you are allowed your feelings and to be vulnerable.

What kind of ABA is your son having?