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Shop security guard accused dh of hurting/physical abuse of son...

NAS75039

Please be kind, I can't handle another thing, I'm on the edge of falling apart ATM and still in fight or flight mode so be kind.

Parent in shop accused of being abusive towards their child.

Ok so we are the parents. My son has OCD, asd, verbal echoalia, sensory processing disorder, not emotionally literate, he hits out physically and verbally and this is on top of social and emotional issues 

We have spent 3 months trying to coax him into shopping, just one visit to the shop, this was a reward to get to choose some things for school lunches and the day out we were meant to go on.

Healthy bribery and lots of preparation and hard work paid off.

Hurray we thought,  last night celebrated as we managed a trip to Lidl.  We went at night when hardly any one there and he did very well. We are so proud of him. He had great fun with a basket choosing things until he didn't. In over excitement.

Sadly during a moment we had to focus him and husband held his hands either side of his head l, not hard but it is a technique to help him focus) and maintained eye contact (not something we expect everyone to understand but it works for him and it isn't harming in any way. Dr approved lol). He does shout out at people and hot out and scream and runs in blind panic and sometimes needs restraining but this is a way to prevent that stage happening 

 Anyway after the initial calm and refocus whilst still in this position put son asked why are you so red, my husband said because I'm hot, wearing a mask and bending over and my son giggled and said you are really red.They were then holding hands laughing and talking

Next thing the store staff man comes up yelling at my husband to get his hands off of him and shouted you are out of order and if you lay your hands on him im going to call the police. This is the point he flashes his badge (security badge maybe)

My son went into complete meltdown mode and screamed and cried and clung onto his dad for dear life, he was terrified and screamed and shook for several hours afterwards. He gave himself a major headache and got to the point of retching.

I also have Asperger's and other issues and social anxiety and rarely leave the house. It was a big step for me to go to the shop too. 

My son is in the only school in the area that can meet need due to complexities and issues he has and the extremeties he has been through and how hard it's been to get him out.  I explained this to the manager and she tried to compare this to her ADHD child. My son has to go to an independent school in the next county as only one to meet need.

I explained all this to the manager who intervened after I tried to get answers from the loud and obnoxious man and informed him exactly what our situation was, I'm not proud to say I lost control and shouted at him calling him a few expletives but momma bear mode took over. He has my son in such a state. I'd already got the family to leave the store so I could deal with the manager and they could try and calm my son.

The manager took details such as name and telephone number so after getting cctv footage she can call to discuss my complaint.

After giving this she said that if she sees he is justified then she will give it to the police. I said fair enough as have nothing to hide.

So has anyone else gone through anything similar. Can the store and manager do this when there is nothing wrong.

How do you work with a child with additional needs that are so severe and social and emotional needs, we follow the advice of psychologists etc and coax him out in a quiet time and build up the idea first only for this to happen.

It has utterly destroyed his willingness to go anywhere or do anything, leaving the house has gone back to being a nightmare. Honestly I don't think I want to ever leave the house again so can't blame him.

Why not pull me aside or my husband. Why tell at him at my child who is now convinced this man wants to hurt him and kill his daddy.

He has caused so many problems for both me and my son and has set us both really far back. I'm still physically shaking and i don't think I can leave the house I don't know whether to scream or cry.

Has anyone else been here?

Has anyone got any experience on rights with security guard?

Any legal advise over what he has done?

I'm stumped.

Thanks for reading this essay

  • in reply to NAS75039

    You might also consider complaining to the regulator, the Security Industry Association. www.services.sia.homeoffice.gov.uk/.../Report-Illegal-Activity.aspx

  • ahem. On the strict understand that this is not a substitute for legal advice (#notlegaladvice) I'm not sure you have much recourse to the law. With regards to the equality act (2010) section 15 'disability arising from discrimination' would only apply after the point the security guard knew you or the your son was disabled. Section 20-22 might apply but only if the court determine the security guards behaviour amounts to a provision, criterion or practice. It requires organisations to make reasonable adjustments for autistic people generally so it doesn't matter if they knew you and your son was autistic. Not being rude and shouting is certainly a reasonable adjustment for autistic people but would the court be persuaded that the security guard had a practice of shouting at people he considered suspicious or was this a one off event? section 26 harisment is unlikely to apply either. The security guards behaviour certainly created a 'intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment' for you but if the court isn't persuaded his actions were related to you or your son being disabled.

    Then there is action under the protection from harassment act. The test there is would a reasonable person, who didn't know you or your son were disabled, think shouting at a customer on this one occasion crossed the line from rudeness to harassment. Previous cases have tended to focus on questions like would a typical person being shouted at in the same situation be alarmed or in fear. Also there is a defence of reasonableness and the prevention of crime. I don't think any one will consider the security guards actions reasonable but the prevention of crime defence might stick. It depends on whether the court feels the act of shouting aggressively can be disentangled from making equerries about (allegedly) suspicious activity.

    TLDR if this particular security guard is in the habit of shouting at people he considers suspicious you might be able to sue under failiour to make reasonable adjustments but I am not a lawyer don't take my word for it.

  • Hi NAS75039,

    Thank you for sharing this with our community. I am sorry that you are going through a challenging time. 

    The following resources are offering legal advice, which is outside the NAS, https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/ Cafcass, 0300 456 4000. They are offering advice for family courts.

    https://weareadvocate.org.uk/ Advocate, 020 7092 3960. They are offering free legal assistance from volunteer barristers.

    Hope this helps.

    Kind regards,

    Eunice Mod

  • Unfortunately t.here are people who, if given any level of authority, just jump in at the deep end as regards interactions with others. The security guard was a jerk, there are lots of them about. If he had not been a jerk, he would have approached your family and asked what the problem was. It might be useful to approach your family doctor and ask for a description of your son's medical/neurodevelopmental problems and how he needs to be manually refocused to avoid escalation of panic and possible harm if he runs off.

    In the UK, most shop workers are informed about the sunflower symbol for hidden disabilities and anyone wearing a lanyard or badge with the sunflower will be recognised as disabled. In the future, if you go shopping as a family, it might be useful for you or your partner to enter the shop first to explain to a member of staff/security guard/manager the situation with your son. That way any misunderstanding is avoided from the outset.

  • Thank you for replying, my son is terrified, husband is in shock and I'm still in a major adrenaline dump cycle of panic.  Definitely going to complain.

    Good idea about legal advice. Thank you. I am going to ask citizens advice to point me in right direction I think.

    Thanks again.

    Have a great day and stay safe PrayThumbsup

  • If that man and that store did anything to cause any psychological damage your child and family, that could be put into a complaint, sent to the stores head office, or maybe instead of that you could talk to a lawyer about this issue and see if there's any legal steps that can be taken to protect your family.