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My 12 year old changes everybody’s words

NAS74844

Hi. My 12 year old autistic son over the last 6 months has started to change our words and become very oppositional. For example if we say ‘sit down’ he will say ‘stand up’ if we say ‘go to sleep’ he will say ‘go to bed’ and if he can’t think of a similar word to change it to he will change how it sounds instead. We are at a point that he now changes every single sentence we say as well as his siblings and it’s now stretching to TV programmes he is watching. As you can imagine it’s very frustrating and we wondered if anyone else has experience of this and any advice they can give. We have tried reflection time, taking toys away etc but nothing works. We have spent a long time trying to look into it online too but struggling to find any advice. 

  • It's just a game for him, and lots of autistics like language games. Trying to punish it won't help. I don't know your son but 'reflection time' won't help unless he's emotional and needs to calm down. 'Taking toys away' sound kind of patronising for a 12 year old. Can you just carefully explain to him why you find it irritating/disrespectful? Then maybe get him interested in a less annoying sort of word game.

    E.g. find two food words that are anagrams of each other (it's hard so it might keep him quiet for a while). Lemon/melon, pasta/tapas etc...

  • I might suggest not punishing this. Buy him a dictionary instead. And a thesaurus. Expression with language is fascinating. You may simply want to become more clever. But also, you don't want to destroy his trust - which is fundamentally the most important element to achieve. 

    Many of us are called too pragmatic as is, but from my standpoint, most individuals are far too vague. They are inarticulate and often use words out of context and out of form. 

    Instead of command sentences, perhaps it's time to help him create a level of his own sense of agency. He could be doing this as a matter of reduction, If I know what a thing is not, I can become closer to understanding. With my own son, I might have then begun to ask, "would you like to sit or stand?" Perhaps he will mirror back stand or sit, but being 12 perhaps he is also going through a point of attempting to work out where and how he operates in the world. 

    Standing and eating is not really a problem in the long-term. Autistic individuals - 98% of the time - do want to fit in. They don't actually want to made fun of or controlled or treated with contempt, disdain or dismissed. So, it may be time to give him choices on matters which have little weight and let him know, that while at HOME, he may begin to express himself (all of us need a safe place to try things until we're accomplished).

    I might also allow him to explore language, if not even begin to join in with him. Ask him to help you understand what he is trying to make sense of. See if you cannot find the Rules of his Exploration. Chances might be he tires of his parents playing along and loses interest. Better still, you develop a closer connexion.