Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi! My son is 8 years old and attends a mainstream school. He has had an EHCP in place since he was 5. He spends quite a lot of time lone working with his TA as he finds being in the classroom too much. He doesn't really have friends, but seems to go into school most days without too much fuss. Although he always states he doesn't like school. My concerns are that he is going into year 4 and academically is far behind his peers, my son can only just write his name and has meltdowns if asked to do any writing. He can barely read and is far behind in all subjects. He is very bright about things he's interested in (cars, trucks etc) we have a 7 year old daughter in the school year below, but same class as my son. She adores school and excels. Which obviously causes tension as my son is very upset that he 'can't' do things (his words)
I guess my question is, how do we know if he should be in a special provision school? He doesn't enjoy school, because he finds learning such a struggle. He's also very paranoid about being 'different' to his peers. My son is such a lovely, caring and kind boy. He doesn't get angry or aggressive at school, there have been a few children from his class with 'behaviour issues' moved to different schools because mainstream couldn't meet their needs. For us, it isn't a behaviour issue but an education issue.
I'm always so worried that if he stays in mainstream he is just continuously falling behind, worried about the long term, eg will he be bullied at secondary school if he can still barely read and write? but worried moving him to a specialist school is too much? How do people know what is the right thing to do?
Thankyou so much for reading my essay! Any help/advice would be hugely appreciated
Does he have any learning difficulties that might cause him frustration? I had dyscalculia (math dyslexia) that was completely oblivious to me the entire time I was in school, because doing math was an independent activity, so I just struggled through it.
My brother struggled with reading and writing (I suspect that he might have a learning disorder like I did, and that he tried to hide it from everyone), he felt embarrassed, overwhelmed from being left behind, and at the mainstream school they just kept passing him, until he went to high school, and all the material was too much for him, that he ended up skipping school, then eventually he dropped out of school.
I think that maybe a professional should access your son for any learning difficulties, so that he can get help to strengthen those areas. I mean there's some anxiety that comes from learning, so maybe try to take what your son is interested in (cars, trucks etc) and somehow incorporate them into what he's learning.
Sorry for the late reply. I don't often get time to go on. My children attend state special schools. They both have a rating of outstanding from Ofsted and I did my research to see what the parents said about them also. Both schools have also won lots of awards. I would recommend researching the schools thoroughly before choosing. Also a visit with your child helps. How things change. I have high functioning autism and adhd and went to a grammar school back in the 80's/90's. Surprisingly I did well. I think it was a case of just having to get on with it back then. Best of luck with your search. x
Hi Kingfisher , thanks for sharing your experience. Was curious to find out if your children are attending a state special school or an independent one? I have been looking at a few independent settings for my son since he is high functioning and academically able.
Thanks x
Thankyou so much for this! I think I will look into paying for an Educational psychologist, as waiting lists are huge for everything in our area. It's great to hear your children are thriving in specialist schools. Thanks again for your reply
Hi, I have 2 children who started out at mainstream with funded ta support who now both attend a special school. My son sounds exactly like your 8 year old when he was at mainstream. Was miles behind his peers with his learning and spent most of the time outside the classroom with a ta as he couldn’t cope with the classroom environment. We decided to move him to specialist provision when he was 6. His sister followed him 2 years later. My son was constantly frustrated and overwhelmed at mainstream. I have no regrets in moving either of them to specialist provision. My son thrived in the special school and can now write (he couldn’t write his own name before) and is at his age related reading age now. Most importantly they’re both happy there. At the end of the day you’ve got to do what’s best for your child. I’d say at 8 you’ve given mainstream a good go and it might now be time to consider specialist provision if it’s not improving or making him unhappy. The first thing I would recommend is to request an assessment from an educational psychologist. They will tell you what he needs and the reports carry a lot of clout if requesting a specialist school. Good luck with it all. Been there twice and I know how emotional it can be.