Why is losing a game a big deal?

Hi.

My son is like this too. And we focus on  ‘good sportsmanship’  as a foundation for behaviours for all games. This also includes teaching appropriate’sledging’ and teasing - both giving it and taking it.

We also have to manage his expectations. This used to be before every type of game, every time eg reminding him he will win and he will loose. And what he can do when he wins and when he looses. We also use scripting - eg what to say to others when you win/loose or they win/loose. 

And we have to adapt all the time. So when he was 3 I let him win a lot. But now he’s 5 and he copes better with the winning and loosing and so I don’t have to let him win much. It does depend on his escalation level. Sometimes a meltdown is not even about the game, for my son it could be the 100th trigger that day and he’s reached his limit. 

I also remind him about practicing and training. The concept of trying doesn’t gel with him. And I use other examples of his success (due to practice, perseverence etc) to remind him it works. And that it will keep working. 

Oh, and we have rules too, for when he’s with others or doing games by himself. Or rather there are consequences for behaviours that hurt others, or put others in danger. And if he breaks something belonging to someone else, he has to give them one of his things. This is working quite well so far…..
when he’s on his own he has safe space to release his frustrations- yelling and weird words. 

I think keep true to your family values but blend this with the reality of a neurodivergent development experience,  Accommodations and supports change with the child. What your child needs now is for now, not forever. He has a particularly great therapist and she reminds me of this…. Often.

Hi.

My son is like this too. And we focus on  ‘good sportsmanship’  as a foundation for behaviours for all games. This also includes teaching appropriate’sledging’ and teasing - both giving it and taking it.

We also have to manage his expectations. This used to be before every type of game, every time eg reminding him he will win and he will loose. And what he can do when he wins and when he looses. We also use scripting - eg what to say to others when you win/loose or they win/loose. 

And we have to adapt all the time. So when he was 3 I let him win a lot. But now he’s 5 and he copes better with the winning and loosing and so I don’t have to let him win much. It does depend on his escalation level. Sometimes a meltdown is not even about the game, for my son it could be the 100th trigger that day and he’s reached his limit. 

I also remind him about practicing and training. The concept of trying doesn’t gel with him. And I use other examples of his success (due to practice, perseverence etc) to remind him it works. And that it will keep working. 

Oh, and we have rules too, for when he’s with others or doing games by himself. Or rather there are consequences for behaviours that hurt others, or put others in danger. And if he breaks something belonging to someone else, he has to give them one of his things. This is working quite well so far…..
when he’s on his own he has safe space to release his frustrations- yelling and weird words. 

I think keep true to your family values but blend this with the reality of a neurodivergent development experience,  Accommodations and supports change with the child. What your child needs now is for now, not forever. He has a particularly great therapist and she reminds me of this…. Often.