Help with violence against family members

I'm not sure of the scope of the situation, but it sounds like you're trying to be as reasonable as possible 

For most adults and neurotypical children they might be more inclined to 'go with the flow'. 

For children who are ASC (c for 'condition' rather than disabled), one of their stregnths can be spotting detailed inconsistency, incongruity. This is amazing for scientists, physics, coders, legal teams, private detectives. Children who are naturally gifted at noticing a lack of alignment or when something is off will need much more wisdom and patience learning to harness these skills and guidence dealing with inconsistency as for most of us on the Spectrum, it doesn't feel Trust-Worthy or Safe. Ideally, any ground which is unstable/inconsistant is unsafe. Thus, it becomes absolutely imperative as a parent to value becoming dependable to a fault. For instance, if I typically need to wind down after work, creating a habitual practice of structuring exact time to teach my son he can even watch a clock and i will arrive exact as I've said. 

This may sound a bit over the top, but as humans we all value this to one degree or another. Knowing the train scheule allows for planning the day and financial exchanges around it. Having a world clock in order keeps things running - we know when to take lunch, turn in a proposal and can plan accordingly. 

With ASC children it's important to do this with aboslutely everything. "We can turn on the tele but you cannot watch the whole programme as we need to leave. Would you still like to watch your show?" Chances are, they won't. or - "When the big hand arrives back at the 12, we will sit at the table to eat. Now, I may not have everything ready, but I'd like you at the table then." One thing that's important here is not only to always give a fair warning, but also to know what my own limits are as a parent. If I cannot commit to a thing exact, I can use phrases such as - "I would like to do ____. But i don't know when that will happen today. Can I let you know when I'm ready?" Include them in your affairs so they know the whole picture. This is going to be how he will learn in school as well, if there is a detail or foundation left out, he will fail. There's little way around this, it's simply How we're Wired.  Whereas NT children can just take pieces as their given even if out of order and slowly understand what's needed.

All of these practices are things we might do with clients. They are respectful in business - giving a 10 minute warning or double checking on a conference call later that day. And it may seem absurd to treat your child like a client, But! There is never anything wrong with growing as a human and leading by example. Only good things come from making certain my words align with my actions. It can be hard to initially put into practice, but everyone is better for it. At least, this has been my experience. 

Now there could be other sensory issues he's having problems with - unnatural lighting or frustrating sounds / smells. That would be another conversation! Hope this helps. 

I do want to add - your son is not violent. He feels attacked or incredibly frustrated and is responding. He feels unsafe and is in survival mode. It's important to understand he's too young to be intentionally violent. 

I'm not sure of the scope of the situation, but it sounds like you're trying to be as reasonable as possible 

For most adults and neurotypical children they might be more inclined to 'go with the flow'. 

For children who are ASC (c for 'condition' rather than disabled), one of their stregnths can be spotting detailed inconsistency, incongruity. This is amazing for scientists, physics, coders, legal teams, private detectives. Children who are naturally gifted at noticing a lack of alignment or when something is off will need much more wisdom and patience learning to harness these skills and guidence dealing with inconsistency as for most of us on the Spectrum, it doesn't feel Trust-Worthy or Safe. Ideally, any ground which is unstable/inconsistant is unsafe. Thus, it becomes absolutely imperative as a parent to value becoming dependable to a fault. For instance, if I typically need to wind down after work, creating a habitual practice of structuring exact time to teach my son he can even watch a clock and i will arrive exact as I've said. 

This may sound a bit over the top, but as humans we all value this to one degree or another. Knowing the train scheule allows for planning the day and financial exchanges around it. Having a world clock in order keeps things running - we know when to take lunch, turn in a proposal and can plan accordingly. 

With ASC children it's important to do this with aboslutely everything. "We can turn on the tele but you cannot watch the whole programme as we need to leave. Would you still like to watch your show?" Chances are, they won't. or - "When the big hand arrives back at the 12, we will sit at the table to eat. Now, I may not have everything ready, but I'd like you at the table then." One thing that's important here is not only to always give a fair warning, but also to know what my own limits are as a parent. If I cannot commit to a thing exact, I can use phrases such as - "I would like to do ____. But i don't know when that will happen today. Can I let you know when I'm ready?" Include them in your affairs so they know the whole picture. This is going to be how he will learn in school as well, if there is a detail or foundation left out, he will fail. There's little way around this, it's simply How we're Wired.  Whereas NT children can just take pieces as their given even if out of order and slowly understand what's needed.

All of these practices are things we might do with clients. They are respectful in business - giving a 10 minute warning or double checking on a conference call later that day. And it may seem absurd to treat your child like a client, But! There is never anything wrong with growing as a human and leading by example. Only good things come from making certain my words align with my actions. It can be hard to initially put into practice, but everyone is better for it. At least, this has been my experience. 

Now there could be other sensory issues he's having problems with - unnatural lighting or frustrating sounds / smells. That would be another conversation! Hope this helps. 

I do want to add - your son is not violent. He feels attacked or incredibly frustrated and is responding. He feels unsafe and is in survival mode. It's important to understand he's too young to be intentionally violent.