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Dangerous behavior

ParentingAutism

Hi, I have briefly mentioned this previously but my 15 y.o daughter will leave the place we are and go for a wander and explore, or just because she's bored or had enough. Some times it's predictable and others are just 'out of the blue'. My main issue is that, when she leaves home, we don't know where she will go, but we have her location to keep an eye on her. We live down the road from the forest and where there is a stream near the road, where she has gone to before and she has an obsession with water but has sensory issues with it so she will only get her hands and feet wet at times. She won't go swimming at all but she is a great swimmer. It's worrying. 

Also because we live on a main road and she loves cars and will walk in the traffic and on the curb, next to it all. She had a close call with a car before and it's worrying. But the thing that confuses me is that she understands safety and knows how to be sensible but then at the same time she will dangle over a bridge on a motorway and cross a motorway in the need to get away. How do I prevent this. We keep the front door locked , Windows locked, the back gate is always in our view and she won't go in the garden away. We have a driveway which is now covered in stones which can give us a few extra seconds. Then we have a gate which can help us. We can also watch her because it takes her a while to put her shoes on so that can help with us. And if she does mange to open the front door, all the other doors will bang because of the wind so that's a big sign as well. She does worry me at times and her rational thinking goes when she's in a negative mood which can lead to her forgetting the basic safety rules, I guess. 

Any ideas on how to keep her safe when she's out. I've asked people but they don't understand. I've looked on Google but it just repeats itself. I'm doing everything I can but I don't want her to feel like it's a prison and that she can't go out because then she will want to escape and won't want to come back. It's very complicated. Thanks and sorry again for bothering you all

Parents

  • when i was a kid i was never allowed outside the house unless i first asked my parents. and the doors where always locked. they was classical old fashioned parents, bit controlling and smothering to the point it probably hindered my ability to get friends as i was never allowed out, but hey ho i didnt get abducted by child grooming gangs which are all too common now.

  • in reply to Caelus
    Caelus said:
    i didnt get abducted by child grooming gangs which are all too common now.

    Seriously NOT helpful. Here's what CAN happen when you're not considering the impact your words will have: 

    A NT mother like this will feel 100% justified in suffocating and inprisioning her ND daughter. As a result, the relationship will b worse as force strained further as caging someone agaisnt their will only creates resentment EVEN if the person doing it thinks they are doing it for the others "own good". 

    NeuroTypicals BY DEFINITION use a form of Reasoning which invovles ASSOCIATION. It is Incredibly Faulty and only feeds their out-of-control "control and domination Issues", it is an undiciplined De-Fault, and irrational which Autistics have to fight and fight and fight against.  

    That De-Fault, death by association looks like this: if you're friends with someone unfit, YOU are also assumed unfit. Or if there is a random stabbing at a local shop, they associate that shop with stabbings until the owner is forced to close it and go broke. 

    Think smarter, mate. Don't just insert your opinion when it can be detrimetnal to others. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey
    JuniperFromGallifrey said:
    That De-Fault, death by association looks like this: if you're friends with someone unfit, YOU are also assumed unfit. Or if there is a random stabbing at a local shop, they associate that shop with stabbings until the owner is forced to close it and go broke. 

    hmmm not entirely sure you understand behavior or NTs or anything with that tbh.... i tried to read this back to make sense out of it more but its just wrong.

    alot of people these days have issues, theres no death by association at all, theres no stigma.... its all assumed by yourself... no one cares if your unfit or unwell in any way so long as your unwell mental state doesnt cause you to be weird or lash out or anything or make them cringe in any way and not wanna be around you. hell people with ADHD become very popular due to their hyper active clowning around and become the life and soul of any NTs gatherings....

    its rather unfair of you to accuse a whole group of people of avoiding a mentally unfit person for fear of being seen the same way.... that doesnt happen.... alot of people have fucked up friends, no one cares, infact it makes them more caring towards them and more wanting to help them.

    perhaps you have this view because you blame your autism on everyone else then instead of owning it and owning the symptoms of your condition? ..... you not being able to get along with NTs and be part of their group isnt them.... its you.... its part of your condition.... 

    same with me too, i cant blame everyone in the world for rejecting me, part of that blame is on me for not knowing how to meld with them all and join their society or communicate with them.... we cant blame them all the time, they dont care what you have, they want to be your friend, they want to be everyones friend, but its our condition that stops that and how we cant make it socially, not them not wanting to be associated... theyd love to be associated but cant because we dont go out and socialise and maintain our social link with them or communicate with them, this isnt their fault... this is our fault... by default we are the problem lol we cannot get along with them, but they can get along with everyone and they are happy to get along with many other disabled and ill type people which disproved your assumption about them. they will be associated with anyone no matter how ill that person is. the problem is within ourselves, not within them.... cant blame everyone else all the time, it impedes personal growth.

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    obviously you dont either because you failed to see who i was replying to here lol

  • in reply to Caelus
    Caelus said:
    perhaps you have this view because you blame your autism on everyone else then instead of owning it and owning the symptoms of your condition? ..... you not being able to get along with NTs and be part of their group isnt them.... its you.... its part of your condition.... 

    I'm not autistic. I do not have autism. My daughter is the one who has it and like many others, she struggles daily and never asked for this to happen to her. I don't like what you are commenting because you obviously don't understand what I'm talking about so just leave it at this please. I know you were trying to help and give your view across but tbh it hasn't helped. 

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  • in reply to Caelus
    Caelus said:
    perhaps you have this view because you blame your autism on everyone else then instead of owning it and owning the symptoms of your condition? ..... you not being able to get along with NTs and be part of their group isnt them.... its you.... its part of your condition.... 

    I'm not autistic. I do not have autism. My daughter is the one who has it and like many others, she struggles daily and never asked for this to happen to her. I don't like what you are commenting because you obviously don't understand what I'm talking about so just leave it at this please. I know you were trying to help and give your view across but tbh it hasn't helped. 

Children