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Constant talking

mazzamchardy
  1. My daughtet is  21. Just finished her photography degree and so proud of her as she.has aspergers . But because of lockdown, my shielding and uni closing we have been stuck here together for months. Im reaching breaking point close to a breakdown because she talks constantly no let up  . I love her so much but what can I do ????
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  • Awww. How many mothers would Kill to be YOU! 

    But it's understandable. Have you tried this very specific wording: "I really want to hear about everything. (full stop - Purposefully Omit Every 'but'). Can you write down your thoughts so you don't forget them and tell me in exactly half hour? I want to focus on _____". Or "I'm having a difficult moment right now, how about in 1 hour exact?"

    Express you Want to listen and connect.

    Completely omit the 'but' in exchange for the word 'and'. "I want to hear everything AND I'll be able to in 20 minutes" (this is called the Yes And technique in Improv)

    Set an alarm and be calculated about returning in exactly that amount of time. It reinforces she can trust you every time you need an escape and then eventually she won't get upset. It will take a few times for her to get used to this. She can even set her alarm if it helps. But depending on her brain, she may need to practice writing everything down anyway. 

    I used this with my son when he was young. Now if I start talking and he's unprepared, he gives me the same mantra. Absoltuely adorable. However, this discipline will aid her infintely in buisness and intimate relationships, and should help her begin to understand boundaries in a kind and purposeful way. 

Reply

  • Awww. How many mothers would Kill to be YOU! 

    But it's understandable. Have you tried this very specific wording: "I really want to hear about everything. (full stop - Purposefully Omit Every 'but'). Can you write down your thoughts so you don't forget them and tell me in exactly half hour? I want to focus on _____". Or "I'm having a difficult moment right now, how about in 1 hour exact?"

    Express you Want to listen and connect.

    Completely omit the 'but' in exchange for the word 'and'. "I want to hear everything AND I'll be able to in 20 minutes" (this is called the Yes And technique in Improv)

    Set an alarm and be calculated about returning in exactly that amount of time. It reinforces she can trust you every time you need an escape and then eventually she won't get upset. It will take a few times for her to get used to this. She can even set her alarm if it helps. But depending on her brain, she may need to practice writing everything down anyway. 

    I used this with my son when he was young. Now if I start talking and he's unprepared, he gives me the same mantra. Absoltuely adorable. However, this discipline will aid her infintely in buisness and intimate relationships, and should help her begin to understand boundaries in a kind and purposeful way. 

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