How to respond to child meltdowns

Hello everyone, I have a nearly 6 year old daughter who is on a waiting list for an ASD assessment. She is home schooled, so there’s no educational setting for support.

My question is how do we manage a melt down? These are happening very frequently. I’m finding it hard to distinguish between a 6 year old pushing boundaries and a 6 year old expressing emotions out of her control due to an experienced difficulty. Sometimes it’s obvious that a trigger has caused her distress but sometimes it’s not so easy to tell the trigger. 

Some days are none stop, one after the other.  

I have brought in a behaviour traffic light system chart and sometimes have to use timeout in her room when it really escalates but to be honest I don’t feel this is fair on her, as she may be having an outburst due to a difficulty which is not her fault and the approaches don’t really work either.

Am I supposed to just be patient and hug her if that’s what she wants. Talking to her and trying to reason or explain obviously doesn’t help. I just feel helpless and don’t know what to do anymore. I feel a complete failure and it’s so upsetting seeing her distress and not being able to help. Sometimes though it does appear to be over something like not getting her own way and then am I ok to be sterner? I just don’t know how to respond. 

I’m in the process of reading up on autism and trying to educate myself, so I can support her needs better. 

Thank you for reading. 

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