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How to respond to child meltdowns

NAS73767

Hello everyone, I have a nearly 6 year old daughter who is on a waiting list for an ASD assessment. She is home schooled, so there’s no educational setting for support.

My question is how do we manage a melt down? These are happening very frequently. I’m finding it hard to distinguish between a 6 year old pushing boundaries and a 6 year old expressing emotions out of her control due to an experienced difficulty. Sometimes it’s obvious that a trigger has caused her distress but sometimes it’s not so easy to tell the trigger. 

Some days are none stop, one after the other.  

I have brought in a behaviour traffic light system chart and sometimes have to use timeout in her room when it really escalates but to be honest I don’t feel this is fair on her, as she may be having an outburst due to a difficulty which is not her fault and the approaches don’t really work either.

Am I supposed to just be patient and hug her if that’s what she wants. Talking to her and trying to reason or explain obviously doesn’t help. I just feel helpless and don’t know what to do anymore. I feel a complete failure and it’s so upsetting seeing her distress and not being able to help. Sometimes though it does appear to be over something like not getting her own way and then am I ok to be sterner? I just don’t know how to respond. 

I’m in the process of reading up on autism and trying to educate myself, so I can support her needs better. 

Thank you for reading. 

Parents

  • Do you feel like a failure? Or a bit trapped and uncertain or useless?

    As a parent, think it’s important to be able to identity what I’m experiencing, so I can mind these feelings aren’t part of my response. For instance, Offence is a reaction by a competitor or an opposition, not by someone who has our back.

    from what I’ve experienced, failure is the path to success, so long as we keep trying. With my son I’ve always considered my job to protect and support, just be available, better than I might a plant or an animal. Are there things she cannot handle? Is she getting enough of the nutrients she needs.

    there will be enough time for her to experience a cruel world. I might suggest to  be someone she can always confide in and trust to have her best interest in mind. 

    I experienced something similar with my son when he was that age. Some meltdowns were from foods he suffered from after eating (unidentified allergies), sometimes distress from a difficult environment, always an inability to cope. I found that redirection was always helpful. And still to this day I help him work out what he’s feeling, what he’s trying to express or what system of “cruelty” in society or work he’s running into (he’s 24 now) 

    I think there’s a line between loving and supporting and helping our young humans to grow verses ruining them (spoiling) and their ability to become healthy and somewhat functioning (is anyone really;) adults. For me that line involves always being responsible, never being offended and always seeking to understand. Children who experience protection and support, who are treated with respect and allowed to feel heard, who are allowed to process naturally feel a sense of grounding. And this grounding can begin to soothe a meltdown before it begins. 

    It sounds as though you believe the best in her. That’s successful parenting even if you’re still figuring it out. Making it up as we go along:)

Reply

  • Do you feel like a failure? Or a bit trapped and uncertain or useless?

    As a parent, think it’s important to be able to identity what I’m experiencing, so I can mind these feelings aren’t part of my response. For instance, Offence is a reaction by a competitor or an opposition, not by someone who has our back.

    from what I’ve experienced, failure is the path to success, so long as we keep trying. With my son I’ve always considered my job to protect and support, just be available, better than I might a plant or an animal. Are there things she cannot handle? Is she getting enough of the nutrients she needs.

    there will be enough time for her to experience a cruel world. I might suggest to  be someone she can always confide in and trust to have her best interest in mind. 

    I experienced something similar with my son when he was that age. Some meltdowns were from foods he suffered from after eating (unidentified allergies), sometimes distress from a difficult environment, always an inability to cope. I found that redirection was always helpful. And still to this day I help him work out what he’s feeling, what he’s trying to express or what system of “cruelty” in society or work he’s running into (he’s 24 now) 

    I think there’s a line between loving and supporting and helping our young humans to grow verses ruining them (spoiling) and their ability to become healthy and somewhat functioning (is anyone really;) adults. For me that line involves always being responsible, never being offended and always seeking to understand. Children who experience protection and support, who are treated with respect and allowed to feel heard, who are allowed to process naturally feel a sense of grounding. And this grounding can begin to soothe a meltdown before it begins. 

    It sounds as though you believe the best in her. That’s successful parenting even if you’re still figuring it out. Making it up as we go along:)

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