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How to respond to child meltdowns

NAS73767

Hello everyone, I have a nearly 6 year old daughter who is on a waiting list for an ASD assessment. She is home schooled, so there’s no educational setting for support.

My question is how do we manage a melt down? These are happening very frequently. I’m finding it hard to distinguish between a 6 year old pushing boundaries and a 6 year old expressing emotions out of her control due to an experienced difficulty. Sometimes it’s obvious that a trigger has caused her distress but sometimes it’s not so easy to tell the trigger. 

Some days are none stop, one after the other.  

I have brought in a behaviour traffic light system chart and sometimes have to use timeout in her room when it really escalates but to be honest I don’t feel this is fair on her, as she may be having an outburst due to a difficulty which is not her fault and the approaches don’t really work either.

Am I supposed to just be patient and hug her if that’s what she wants. Talking to her and trying to reason or explain obviously doesn’t help. I just feel helpless and don’t know what to do anymore. I feel a complete failure and it’s so upsetting seeing her distress and not being able to help. Sometimes though it does appear to be over something like not getting her own way and then am I ok to be sterner? I just don’t know how to respond. 

I’m in the process of reading up on autism and trying to educate myself, so I can support her needs better. 

Thank you for reading. 

Parents

  • I wouldn’t use a traffic light system, I wouldn’t use time out either and I wouldn’t be stern. As you have said you don’t want to punish her for her body being overwhelmed with emotions that she can’t regulate. I would let your child have her melt down and sit somewhere close by so she knows you are there and to also make sure she is safe and not hurting herself. I would avoid eye contact and talking during a meltdown. If she wants to cuddle you then let her she’s looking to you as her safety. If you have space you could buy her a pop up dark tent with some sensory lights i use silicone bike lights to attach to the straps Inside (ebay) and I have my sons favourite blanket and some sensory toys inside. If you don’t have space you could get a black out blind and get a light projector that’s soothing in her room. We have one from Amazon it was only £13. I would buy some fidget toys squishy, stretchy, light up ones, a Thera pressure brush works wonders for my son once his melt down is over as he is exhausted it’s very relaxing. You can buy sensory toy  bundles from Amazon or eBay. Ebay is cheaper.

    I would try and access what’s just happened right before her melt down? Also try a now and next board 1st breakfast then Playtime, 1st bath then pyjamas. Prepare her for all the small changes throughout the day. Give yourself a break your a mum trying her best. That’s all you can do. You sound like a great mum. You’ll get lots of great advice on here. Even reading other people’s posts and answers have helped me a lot. 

Reply

  • I wouldn’t use a traffic light system, I wouldn’t use time out either and I wouldn’t be stern. As you have said you don’t want to punish her for her body being overwhelmed with emotions that she can’t regulate. I would let your child have her melt down and sit somewhere close by so she knows you are there and to also make sure she is safe and not hurting herself. I would avoid eye contact and talking during a meltdown. If she wants to cuddle you then let her she’s looking to you as her safety. If you have space you could buy her a pop up dark tent with some sensory lights i use silicone bike lights to attach to the straps Inside (ebay) and I have my sons favourite blanket and some sensory toys inside. If you don’t have space you could get a black out blind and get a light projector that’s soothing in her room. We have one from Amazon it was only £13. I would buy some fidget toys squishy, stretchy, light up ones, a Thera pressure brush works wonders for my son once his melt down is over as he is exhausted it’s very relaxing. You can buy sensory toy  bundles from Amazon or eBay. Ebay is cheaper.

    I would try and access what’s just happened right before her melt down? Also try a now and next board 1st breakfast then Playtime, 1st bath then pyjamas. Prepare her for all the small changes throughout the day. Give yourself a break your a mum trying her best. That’s all you can do. You sound like a great mum. You’ll get lots of great advice on here. Even reading other people’s posts and answers have helped me a lot. 

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