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School and social issues

NAS73749

Help!! I’m new to this group but really need some advice from people who understand where I’m coming from. My daughter is 13 and struggles like crazy with the social side of school, she has no friends and finds school life very difficult, she is currently getting upset on certain days randomly and won’t go to school because she masks the whole time and then has meltdowns where she can’t cope at home and needs a day off to recover. Especially changes where she doesn’t know how the day will go makes her very anxious and I have to keep her home. School are so unsupportive and don’t help her one bit. Currently in process of changing school or thinking about taking her out completely, any advice would be great. 

Parents

  • If your daughter has a clinical ASC diagnosis the school is, in theory, obliged to make accommodations for your daughter's welfare. I would suggest trying to interact with the school, to put in place some practical measures. Such things might be as simple as allowing her to sit in a quiet place, such as a school library, if she is feeling overwhelmed. I know break times were often fraught for me, and having a quiet refuge would have helped. I wasn't diagnosed until 59 years of age, but I suffered in school, so I know what it is like.

  • in reply to Martin

    My niece is 14 and undiagnosed currently, but parents seeking one. She was bullied badly at the end of primary and massively in her first year of secondary. She was moved to another school where there wasn't bullying, but by then she was so scared of others and social situations that she found it tough and then Covid hit and she lost all confidence to go to school at all. She has since moved to a small, independent school that has been fantastic in supporting her and her parents. They accepted her doing shorter days/weeks initially and allow her to have time out in the art room when it gets too much in lessons. Unfortunately this type of school isn't an option for every parent.

    My son is recently diagnosed and will be off to secondary in 2 years time. I was lucky that his current primary were the people who recommended I seek a diagnosis, and they do try to support him, but I am seriously considering a small independent school for secondary, one which has a lot of experience with SEN. I spoke to a colleague whose son is now 20 about his secondary experience. He went to a mainstream secondary, but they were really understanding of his needs and he had a happy 5 years there, which gives me hope! However, he didn;t get on so well with sixth form college.

    I suppose I'm trying to say it doesn't all need to be so bad, but from what I've read on this forum so far (I'm pretty new to it) and experiences outside, it seems as though the girls might have a harder time, presumably because of the masking and later in getting diagnosed. I hope you are able to find a school where your daughters are happier and better supported. I am so grateful for this forum to hear as much advice as possible.

  • in reply to NAS73417

    My older daughter was happy at her secondary school, but there was a merger with another school when she was 13. The result of the merger was a brand-new school building that was all glass-walls, inside and out, she hated being there. It was about twice the size of her original school and the feeling of always being visible really had a bad effect on her. Modern buildings can be very stressful for autistics.

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  • in reply to NAS73417

    My older daughter was happy at her secondary school, but there was a merger with another school when she was 13. The result of the merger was a brand-new school building that was all glass-walls, inside and out, she hated being there. It was about twice the size of her original school and the feeling of always being visible really had a bad effect on her. Modern buildings can be very stressful for autistics.

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