Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
The title says it all really....My 4 year old daughter currently attends nursery part time in a school setting she will be moving up to reception next year.
Every day when I pick her up from nursery I am told yet again that she has been disregulated, had numerous meltdowns and has hurt staff and children. I have been an active parent as I am continually communicating with the senco and inclusion lead on her development and behaviour. I had a meeting last thursday which I was told things would be put in place to try and help her with her emotional behaviour. Things such as a visual timetable to help with transitions, behaviour log and communication book. These still haven't been put in place and I don't know if the school is supporting her in the best way. She is both like this at school and at home, she has aggressive behaviours when being told no (although we don't use that word) and when things don't go the way she would like them too. She will lash out by kicking, biting, scratching and hitting.
I should also mention this is the school I work at, so is it because its me that they are lagging...? And you can imagine that it is sometimes hard for me to address that they are not doing enough.
She has not had a diagnosis yet as she is too young but she is known to the school sendco, health visitor and child development services as she is showing signs of autism. The head teacher recently mentioned that if I am desperate for help...which we are as it is a daily battle, then we should consider social services. Has anyone had experience of this? Is it worth considering? I am not keen as I am unsure of being known to social services.
If anyone has any advice or have been in the same position please comment as I would like to help my daughter in the best way possible.
Thanks
Hello, thank you for your reply.
I think you hit the nail on the head the staff were just going through the motions...waiting for senior leaders to step in instead of being productive and taking initiative.
I will look into more services that my county offer...the more help and advice I can get will be so beneficial to us all.
Since the earlier post the school have started to put things in place to help support her...and I've got to say these are helping and I am hoping they will continue to do so. Like you said I am the expert and this is evident as it has been me that has shown them what to do, what will work best and what they should put in place. I do believe they want to help but also believe they're out of their depth.
I will see how things go with regards to moving school as I work there and my other daughter goes here also...I am not afraid to ask for help and I will let them know they are not doing enough!
Thanks again for your response
Hello,
Since this post the school have put in place all the resources mentioned in the previous post..plus extra.
She has also showed improvements in school...so obviously these things are working.
We are using this at home as well.
Phhhruuuughhh!
Sorry to hear you are having such a nightmare. Part of me wonders if the nursery staff are out of their depth and just going through the motions. Nursery isn’t funded like FT education and similarly to schools, it’s a bit hit and miss with how your child is supported. You can be lucky and have amazing dedicated staff…or not.
Pursuing diagnosis is of course the right course of action. I’ve found so much help and support from charities and on-line FB groups (Sensory processing disorder, pathological demand avoidance, general autistic groups, etc) Learning from other parents is so valuable alongside structured training.
I am a member of my county’s biggest autism organisation so receive regular bulletins for webinars, virtual support groups etc. I have also received lots of information from the charitable agencies which you might be signposted to through your county councils ‘Local Offer’ My county has this handbook which was great for helping me find my feet: https://www.kent.gov.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0011/106310/Kent-handbook-for-families-information-about-autism-and-adhd-in-children.pdf
If your daughter is under 5, does she not still come under the health visitor Team? What exactly are they doing for you? I would def get a review with them: they might get you into the system in terms of sign posting and accessing resources in a way that the school can’t.
Referring to social services? Frankly? I am not impressed.
I have to say one of the best things we have done is switch schools. I know you said you work where your daughter is going to nursery and onto reception but the school we were at just didn’t really get SEN. They had a SENCO and spouted all the right things but really, our daughter was a nuisance and irritation and they really couldn’t be bothered to do what was required. They did not care about our daughter or us personally or have any interest in what happened past the school gates. The school we are at now is the polar opposite and the difference? It has the right leadership, direction and culture. So we voted with our feet because we’re in a position to do so.
Don’t necessarily assume that schools and health services are the experts on your daughter - YOU are the expert; you may find you have to educate the professionals, the day that stops is the day you’ve found the right setting for her with people who get her, help you take the load of and ask: how can we help you?
You are at the start of your journey, consider if the staff really care, and I mean REALLY care. Not having to battle a school is a big advantage if you have an SEN child.
Best wishes
It sounds like the school has good intentions in visual cues etc but has not yet put them in place.
I would be politely mentioning that these things will probably help, each time.you are told she is having problems.
Are they just waiting for the end of term and thinking of doing this.next year, or are they planning to get these things in place now? Is there an issue with funding or lack of resources?
Have you thought of trying these things at home? E.g.. visual cues etc.
Hi
We are hoping for a diagnosis soon, but the waiting list is incredibly long, so we are gathering all the evidence now to help with a diagnosis
4 years of age isn’t too young for a diagnosis . My son was diagnosed at 2 and a half years old , as were all the other children in his class
Hello NAS72680,
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. Hopefully the NAS community will be able to help you with their experience. You can also check the NAS directory here https://www.autism.org.uk/directory
You can enter your postcode and service needed and hopefully something will come up near you.
All the best,
Karin Mod