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Excessive crying 8 year old- please help

NAS73531

Hello. I am new here. I have an 8 year old son who is likely autistic but we are still waiting for a diagnosis. I am getting very worried about how often he cries. It’s usually if he’s hurt himself (even a tiny thing like a graze), or when he gets frustrated at someone. Sometimes the crying is so bad he ended up having a panic attack where he thinks he’s choking and can’t breathe. It’s causing a lot of friction in the household as my husband thinks he’s doing it for attention and it should just be ignored. Whenever is happens my husband get very annoyed and this makes me even more stressed. I feel like I am living in a state of constant anxiety waiting for the next crying episode to happen and trying my best to hide it from my husband when it does happen. Like when my son is out playing on the street I will keep watch for a kid coming to tell me he’s crying then I’ll answer the door before he rings the bell, go out and calm my son down and bring him back, all in the hope that my husband doesn’t even notice it has happened. I feel like I am walking on eggshells. I feel bad for my son as I don’t think he can help it but we aren’t getting any help as he hasn’t been diagnosed yet. I also worry that kids won’t want to hang around with him anymore as he’s always crying. I don’t know what to do.

Parents

  • Thanks everyone for commenting. I broke down last night in front of husband as can’t cope with it anymore. Think he’s seeing the affect it’s having on me now. To be honest, it wasn’t even anything to do with him yesterday he was upstairs working when my son came back crying and he didn’t hear any of it. But we talked about some of the issues and I hope he’ll be more understanding now. We might pay for him to get private counselling as we aren’t getting anywhere on the nhs waiting list.

    I’d be interested to hear if anyone else has has had to deal with excessive crying ? I know it’s different for everyone but I’d be keen to find out and strategies, or what kind of counselling can help (if we go private). Also I’m especially keen to hear when the excessive crying might stop or reduce (if ever). 

  • in reply to NAS73531

    The meltdowns are likely caused by anxiety, and so you have to be careful about what type of environment and people your son is around. Usually environments that cause stress is if it's too "busy" with a lot of things happening all at the same time, people chattering and rushing about, cars honking, birds tweeting, trees rustling, bright lights, and it'll all overwhelm his senses.

    But if he's at home and he's being put down and ignored when he's already being overwhelmed, that can lead to depression, which can generate more crying, because there's feelings of guilt for causing a parent to be upset with you, and there's a persistant fear that you're going to be abandoned and left alone to deal with all these terrifying things by yourself, which can then cause a panic attack. 

    So if your son has a place to mellow down, like a place that has his favourite things and interests, quiet activities to work on, and generally a low stimulus and cozy, that's a really good place for him to recharge. 

    I'm sure others will have a better answer about the process of being diagnosed. I live in a different country so my process would be different from yours. 

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