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Excessive crying 8 year old- please help

NAS73531

Hello. I am new here. I have an 8 year old son who is likely autistic but we are still waiting for a diagnosis. I am getting very worried about how often he cries. It’s usually if he’s hurt himself (even a tiny thing like a graze), or when he gets frustrated at someone. Sometimes the crying is so bad he ended up having a panic attack where he thinks he’s choking and can’t breathe. It’s causing a lot of friction in the household as my husband thinks he’s doing it for attention and it should just be ignored. Whenever is happens my husband get very annoyed and this makes me even more stressed. I feel like I am living in a state of constant anxiety waiting for the next crying episode to happen and trying my best to hide it from my husband when it does happen. Like when my son is out playing on the street I will keep watch for a kid coming to tell me he’s crying then I’ll answer the door before he rings the bell, go out and calm my son down and bring him back, all in the hope that my husband doesn’t even notice it has happened. I feel like I am walking on eggshells. I feel bad for my son as I don’t think he can help it but we aren’t getting any help as he hasn’t been diagnosed yet. I also worry that kids won’t want to hang around with him anymore as he’s always crying. I don’t know what to do.

Parents

  • I think that they are called meltdowns, and if there's a mix of anger in it they're called shutdowns, which often happened to me from overwhelmed by everything in my environment, that I would just break down crying. Too much light, sound, people, being in an unknown place and just feeling too vulnerable, will create a panic attack and distress. 

    Yet I feel bad for males in society, because if your son is crying, your husband will just walk away from his own son, because crying might be looked at as a weakness, or as an annoyance and irritation. Your husband has no clue why a child starts crying, and I dislike anyone who concludes that they're crying just "to get attention," as if that's the only reason in the history of existance as to why someone would be crying. No, even when studying infants, they have different types of crys for everything, when they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable, etc.

    So it's just too simple-minded to conclude that crying is just "to get attention" so it should be ignored. That's child neglect, and that's the opposite of what anyone should be doing to their own child. 

    I really hope your son gets his diagnosis, but I have no idea if your husband will even support your son's diagnosis or not. 

Reply

  • I think that they are called meltdowns, and if there's a mix of anger in it they're called shutdowns, which often happened to me from overwhelmed by everything in my environment, that I would just break down crying. Too much light, sound, people, being in an unknown place and just feeling too vulnerable, will create a panic attack and distress. 

    Yet I feel bad for males in society, because if your son is crying, your husband will just walk away from his own son, because crying might be looked at as a weakness, or as an annoyance and irritation. Your husband has no clue why a child starts crying, and I dislike anyone who concludes that they're crying just "to get attention," as if that's the only reason in the history of existance as to why someone would be crying. No, even when studying infants, they have different types of crys for everything, when they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable, etc.

    So it's just too simple-minded to conclude that crying is just "to get attention" so it should be ignored. That's child neglect, and that's the opposite of what anyone should be doing to their own child. 

    I really hope your son gets his diagnosis, but I have no idea if your husband will even support your son's diagnosis or not. 

Children
  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    Thanks for replying. I think it is meltdowns he has but my husband doesn’t see it that way. It’s causing a kit of lot of friction in the relationship. if we do get the diagnoses I want him to speak to the dr directly for advise. I was say to him I will respond however the dr advises and he should too. As you say though, I am unsure how much he would suppose the diagnoses. The whole situation is causing me a great deal of anxiety which is affecting my mental health. I’m not sure how much longer I can live in a household like that.