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Stressed and upset

ParentingAutism

Hi, you've probably read my latest forums about my daughter and issues in school. She is becoming very upset and stressed at the weekends and wishes she could just be in school and wants to up her timetable because she only does part-time.. I don't know why but she's always been like this. Maybe it's the change or something? I'm not sure. But the past couple of days especially, she has been acting a little differently than normal... I'm not sure how to explain this but I'll try my best...

She hasn't been going to her English lessons for the past week, so teachers are trying to do more visual stuff and using pictures in books but she still doesn't go. She picks and chooses when she's going to lessons. Today, she did Science and was amazing in it. They said she was coloring in some cardboard then doing work which was great! She had break time then had P.E which she loves. But, after P.E she had Math, which she likes, but did not do it in the classroom. She took the work and completed it on her favourite bench she's been carving!

Then came lunch and had nothing to do so kept walking round the school until she decided to jump the gate. A teacher followed her and they had a chat about her favourite things... cycling and animals. She then went back into school. 10/15 minutes later was English, which she hasn't been going to, and when her teacher told her that she needs to go into the classroom, she turned round, walked away and jumped the gate again, where the same teacher followed her and they had another chat and went into school and looked at the animals and sat on the bench with her, whilst she was carving it... 

Her behaviour is confusing me and the teachers. They have there own suggestions about the reason for behaviour but I don't know what to do. Like I said, she wants to be at school more but she doesn't go to lessons much or stay on site.... 

What can I do? Sorry for bothering you again.... 

Thanks x

Parents

  • From all of your posts, it seems like your daughter has painted herself into a corner - and all her behaviours follow a growth pattern of avoiding an initial task - and then all the following has become an elongated way of avoiding the initial thing she didn't want to do - and as people try to negotiate with her, she's adding more and more complications to defeat them - she understands their aim is to get her to do the 1st task - so she's making it as complicated as possible for them.

    And I think she's getting a deep satisfaction from all the attention and control it gives her.      She knows they can't win - all she needs to do is come up with another wheeze to make them all panic and she gets out of anything she can't be bothered with.     

    It's moved on from "don't want to do something" to "I don't need to do anything you want".     That's going to be a difficult habit to break - it gives her everything she thinks she wants.     It sounds like everyone has always been too nice and compliant around her so she's learned to pull their chains with no consequences.

    Getting her out of that easily-defended position will be almost impossible until she gets bored with it all.   

    In a way, she's short-sightedly but intentionally throwing away her future.

  • in reply to Plastic
    Plastic said:
    In a way, she's short-sightedly but intentionally throwing away her future.

    She is definitely. The school wants her to take GCSE's early because she's smart enough to. They have a point reward system for behaviour and she knows that if she doesn't go to lesson, she doesn't get any points but if she does she gets 20/30 points, which is 20/30p. She somehow manages to get more points the days she goes offsite than when she's onsite. It makes no sense. Her senco is wondering if she likes being followed and having the attention and talking about what she likes, without them being distracted. Therefore, my daughter will leave site and the teacher will need to follow so she's safe... It makes no sense. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism
    ParentingAutism said:
    Her senco is wondering if she likes being followed and having the attention and talking about what she likes, without them being distracted. Therefore, my daughter will leave site and the teacher will need to follow so she's safe...

    Are they male teachers?      She could be unconsciously asserting a sort of sexual-testing - making the males run around after her - it might be deeply pleasing for her.     It's not an attraction thing - it's control and flexing of her abilities.

    I'm not saying it is - but it's a strong possibility of her asserting dominance.    A very confusing time for her age group.

  • in reply to Plastic

    I'm not going to lie, we looked at many schools for her to go to and we did look at boarding schools but it seemed too much for her so we are waiting for a place at a school which specializes in autism. Everyone's a mystery!!!

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