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I need advice...

ParentingAutism

Hi, I need advice on how to help my 14 y.o daughter.

She is a dedicated road cyclist and has joined a cycling club and today was her first time going. She was anxious when we got there because she didn't know what was happening or what would happen. She didn't know any of the other children there and she just didn't really know what to do. She was extremely overwhelmed and when they were checking the bikes, she just started having a meltdown and walked away from everything and walked to the car park and was lying on the floor crying. 

I spoke to her but she just didn't want to talk, so I went over to one of the coaches who had a chat on how to help her. She agreed to cycle at the back of the group with one of the coaches and then started to join in. They realised that she was too good for this group (who were around 7-10 years old) so they put her in the other group with older children in and stayed at the back with the coach. She then started to join in and was doing really well until she was going to fast for them and they started to shout and argue. This obviously upset my daughter, where she then left the group and came to me and the coach (who I was talking to). 

The next coaching session is in a few weeks. I need advice because my daughter wants to go but doesn't at the same time and it's stressing her out. I've tried comforting her but she just doesn't know what to do. She liked being with the younger kids (she's always preferred younger children) because they are easier to work with but they go slower and the older kids go more her pace but doesn't work together much. She wants to carry on and wants me to buy the kit they have but she wants to quit. 

If anyone has any ideas on how to work this out or their views/opinions on this, please share them. Thanks x

Parents

  • Hiya

    She clearly sees too many steps with too many unknowns - which she can't process.      Every option produces an exponential number of risks and options.     It sounds like she literally needs someone holding her hand and solving all of her immediate problems as they arise in real time to give her the confidence to go forwards.

    We pre-trained our daughter for up-coming major steps - we broke the bigger task into small steps that we could go through with her repeatedly  over the preceding weeks until all the small steps built into a bigger sequence - then the final 'doing it' was only one extra task with a very high success ratio.

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  • Hiya

    She clearly sees too many steps with too many unknowns - which she can't process.      Every option produces an exponential number of risks and options.     It sounds like she literally needs someone holding her hand and solving all of her immediate problems as they arise in real time to give her the confidence to go forwards.

    We pre-trained our daughter for up-coming major steps - we broke the bigger task into small steps that we could go through with her repeatedly  over the preceding weeks until all the small steps built into a bigger sequence - then the final 'doing it' was only one extra task with a very high success ratio.

Children
  • in reply to Plastic

    Thank you Plastic, She just doesn't want to face the social and communication part of it which is a major part in it. She usually goes out herself so this is one massive change. We are going to try and see if she'll go out with another person, maybe her sister, to start off with, then maybe a friend. Hopefully the next time she goes to the club, her sister will be joining her because she's been inspired to do cycling as well, so she can help.