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I need advice...

ParentingAutism

Hi, I need advice on how to help my 14 y.o daughter.

She is a dedicated road cyclist and has joined a cycling club and today was her first time going. She was anxious when we got there because she didn't know what was happening or what would happen. She didn't know any of the other children there and she just didn't really know what to do. She was extremely overwhelmed and when they were checking the bikes, she just started having a meltdown and walked away from everything and walked to the car park and was lying on the floor crying. 

I spoke to her but she just didn't want to talk, so I went over to one of the coaches who had a chat on how to help her. She agreed to cycle at the back of the group with one of the coaches and then started to join in. They realised that she was too good for this group (who were around 7-10 years old) so they put her in the other group with older children in and stayed at the back with the coach. She then started to join in and was doing really well until she was going to fast for them and they started to shout and argue. This obviously upset my daughter, where she then left the group and came to me and the coach (who I was talking to). 

The next coaching session is in a few weeks. I need advice because my daughter wants to go but doesn't at the same time and it's stressing her out. I've tried comforting her but she just doesn't know what to do. She liked being with the younger kids (she's always preferred younger children) because they are easier to work with but they go slower and the older kids go more her pace but doesn't work together much. She wants to carry on and wants me to buy the kit they have but she wants to quit. 

If anyone has any ideas on how to work this out or their views/opinions on this, please share them. Thanks x

  • in reply to LucyLandRover

    Yes, I emailed her coach explaining what happened and he shared a video of working as a group and taking it in turns at the front and throughout the group. He also said that communication is a massive part in it (which it is) which the youths don't do so it makes it harder for the group. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Hello,

    it is hard for an autistic to ride a bike as it requires balance and steering and pedaling all at the same time so your daughter has done the hard part already. I do hope the coaches can help and that it becomes fun.

  • in reply to LucyLandRover

    Thank you. It's nice to have advice from someone who is a cyclist. I am going to speak to the coaches next time and see if they can help. They had a coach cycle next to her the whole time and explain things to her in a more simple form, which is amazing. I haven't told them that she's on the spectrum yet but I may do if things are still too difficult. 

  • Hello, I am a keen club cyclist and find it hard at times to cope with so much information all at once. It is great your daughter wants to cycle and I would suggest speaking to the club/ coaches to plan how to work along with the older group. I find it very hard to chain gang due to Dyspraxia so I can well understand the issues with cycling in a group. I have explained to my club about being autistic and the problems I face and have had a lot of help and encouragment. Cycling after all is a social activity and I love the cafe stops. I do hope you are able to find a way for your daughter to ride with the faster pace group.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Haha, that's a good joke! Yes, she is alright with us around her. She prefers it. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Is she ok if the family are around her?     Her 'stabilisers'.  Smiley

  • in reply to Plastic

    Yes, my husband is a racer and that's what my daughter wants to achieve so everyone in the family does cycling. At the club, my other daughter wants to join so the sisters will be able to cycle together and if anything does happen then I'm always watching and can help her get her mind set into the right place. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    We always did anything stressy / risky or for the first time with our daughter - gliding, scuba diving, go-karting, falconry, helicopter flights, scouts, dealing with airports, go-ape, sailing etc.    She could experience it all herself but she could always look to me to hold her hand if she got a wobble.   She knew I would fix it.

    Can you ride?

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thanks again. She knows we are always there and will do whatever we can to help. She definitely has a lack of confidence in herself and we always remind her what the plan is when she gets overwhelmed and even before it happens.

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    It sounds like a chronic lack of confidence in herself and everyone around her.

    We always gave our daughter a full set of backup plans so she always had a solution to any foreseeable problem - and if the worst happened, she knew I would come for her.and solve whatever needed to happen for her to proceed - or take her out of the situation.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thank you Plastic, She just doesn't want to face the social and communication part of it which is a major part in it. She usually goes out herself so this is one massive change. We are going to try and see if she'll go out with another person, maybe her sister, to start off with, then maybe a friend. Hopefully the next time she goes to the club, her sister will be joining her because she's been inspired to do cycling as well, so she can help. 

  • Hiya

    She clearly sees too many steps with too many unknowns - which she can't process.      Every option produces an exponential number of risks and options.     It sounds like she literally needs someone holding her hand and solving all of her immediate problems as they arise in real time to give her the confidence to go forwards.

    We pre-trained our daughter for up-coming major steps - we broke the bigger task into small steps that we could go through with her repeatedly  over the preceding weeks until all the small steps built into a bigger sequence - then the final 'doing it' was only one extra task with a very high success ratio.