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Teenage son suffering from loneliness and social isolation - Any advice gratefully received

NASMRSC

Hi everyone,

I am new to the forum and don’t really know what I’m doing so I hope that this messages reaches some parents going through a similar struggle or anyone who has been through this and has come out the other side. 

I will try to keep my son’s story brief, but basically when he was in senior school, my son attended a school for autistic students. He was more able than the other students there so didn’t really make any friends but he was happy there as he had a fantastic support network from the staff. He was confident, happy to go to school and looking forward to his future. Unfortunately, his final year of school was cut short due to covid and so his support network go cut off too. He started at the local 6th Form college in September 2020 not knowing a sole and having had no transitions. There was no support in place for him and for the first three months the college weren’t even aware that he had special needs. No staff checked on him to see how he was and no staff offered him any kind of help or support to settle in.

From September 2020 to the present day, he has made no friends, has barely spoken to anyone outside of the house and his personality has completely changed. He has become totally socially isolated and is suffering with loneliness both on a social and emotional level. He has developed severe social anxiety and his self esteem is at an all time low. He finally broke down and told us how bad he was feeling on Christmas Day. It was absolutely heart breaking to think that he had been so upset and had held it all in. We contacted the college and he now speaks to a mentor online once a fortnight but he is getting no help to make friends or overcome his social anxiety. Only a month ago, he became so low again that he had another crisis and we ended up phoning the doctors. He was referred to a local mental health charity for young people but we heard today that he cannot be helped by them and we now have to self refer to another place. My son just feels like he is in limbo. Nothing is changing or getting better for him and he still has no friends and feels desperately lonely. He is dreading returning to college after the Easter break as he spends all of his break times and lunch times just wondering around town by himself. It is so soul destroying for him to see everyone else in groups and looking happy whilst he is always alone and has no one to talk to.

If any parent or any autistic person reading this has gone through anything similar or is going through anything similar, please reach out to me. I am really struggling as I myself have become isolated since having two autistic children as I never made friends with the other mums in the playground (my kids didn’t fit in so neither did I) and people I do know who do have  children, don’t have children with autism and don’t understand the struggles that our family face. 

Thank you in advance to any one who reads this and gets in touch. Parenting autism can be a lonely place sometimes and as much as I need some advice and support myself, I would like to be a support to any others who need it too. 

X x x

Parents

  • Hi I'm 22 and was diagnosed with ASD a few weeks ago after living my life very very isolated because I'm just not good a socialising and talking to people in general. I don't know about your child in the way he thinks but for me I have two sides of this social coin that toss about all the time. I really want to socialise and make friends but I just am not good at it at all and the other side is I've found a lot of my happiness and calmness in educating myself about anything I find interesting and with gaming.

    I say that because your son may have very specific special interests that not many 'normal' people have or if they do no where near the degree of interest your son has with them, it might be worth almost just learning more about him and what he likes and is interested in.

    For example I LOVE Astronomy I'm unbelievably fascinated with space and the universe I will sit and just watch the moon for hours at night because it's so amazing that this thing is there and is so important to to our world and your son might feel the same way with something else. so if he or you can find groups on Facebook just as an example that are based on his special interests they can be great places for him to have nice little conversations with people on comment sections about certain things, or if he likes gaming he can join discords which are small online communities that are all about specific games he could start to play online with these people and make friends that way. I know that it's all online but for someone in his position where he just doesn't relate to anyone he comes into contact with (like me) it can be really nice to talk about what you like.

    I'm in the same situation as your son I do not have one single friend outside of my immediate family members I have zero social life but this forum on here over the last few days has made me feel a lot better about my self and its been so nice to read other people that have the same experiences as me because I've always felt so alone in the world so I think I might know how your son might be feeling and there are things have made me feel better even over the last few weeks which I thought COULD NEVER HAPPEN.

    I hope this helps I'm not sure if anyone else has said the same as me I didn't read the other responses.

    O

  • in reply to O

    Great response O, My son loves gaming and F1 and can talk about them for ages, it is good that he has interests and to try and find others that have the same interests. As you say there are many local facebook groups who may meet up in person parents and children alike so the parents can meet people in similiar situations and children have the opportunity to make new friends.

    As with anything on the internet i'd just make sure any interaction is monitored, the internet can be a great place, but there is also the flip side were a lot of dodgy people use it too. It's all about balance.

    I hope you make some friends in your local area and no doubt you will meet people on here who you can chat with.

Reply
  • in reply to O

    Great response O, My son loves gaming and F1 and can talk about them for ages, it is good that he has interests and to try and find others that have the same interests. As you say there are many local facebook groups who may meet up in person parents and children alike so the parents can meet people in similiar situations and children have the opportunity to make new friends.

    As with anything on the internet i'd just make sure any interaction is monitored, the internet can be a great place, but there is also the flip side were a lot of dodgy people use it too. It's all about balance.

    I hope you make some friends in your local area and no doubt you will meet people on here who you can chat with.

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