Nursery v Home - conflicting reports

One thing that causes distress to people on the spectrum, and conflict with others that are working to a time, is changes to what they were expecting.  Needing wellies instead of shoes  is a good example, though many things that cause a lot of anxiety to an AS are not noticable by non-AS people. He can learn that when it is wet or there is snow he needs wellies not shoes but he needs to learn it a different way and he needs to have it as part of the routine that we check to see if it is a wellie day or a shoe day.  Get him to go and look at the weather and say if it is a wellie day or a shoe day.  If he doesn’t seem to undertand why wellies are sometimes needed then try putting an old shoe that is not needed anymore in a bowl of water and show how the water gets inside and will made his feet wet and how it spoils the shoe. If you do this at a time when he is calmer he can see the necessity of wellies and how it stops his shoes being spoit then he will come round to the idea. If he doesn’t want to be without his shoes let him take them with him as long as he agrees to look after them.  He needs more time to cope with change and he needs things to be exactly the same each day so if there are changes that might occur but can be forseen then it is best to put in deciding about them. All this take longer but is better for everybody.  If you’re running late one morning don’t be tempted to cut steps out.

Food is often an issue, I have food issues.  If you try and force him it will probably worsen. Ask him what would make the food clean.  My tollerant friend lets me peel the veg so I can eat in her house. For children on the spectrum it is not a passing fad but something that casues great anxiety.  It takes a lot more time and planning to help them.  The key is to understand why they are behaviour particular way which is a lot easier said than done because he probably will not be able to tell you. It is harder for non-AS people to see how he thinks about the world.

Do not think of yourself as a bad parent. The modern world is not a good place for people on the spectrum and the hitting and tantrums are about his confusion and probably fear/anxiety.

One thing that causes distress to people on the spectrum, and conflict with others that are working to a time, is changes to what they were expecting.  Needing wellies instead of shoes  is a good example, though many things that cause a lot of anxiety to an AS are not noticable by non-AS people. He can learn that when it is wet or there is snow he needs wellies not shoes but he needs to learn it a different way and he needs to have it as part of the routine that we check to see if it is a wellie day or a shoe day.  Get him to go and look at the weather and say if it is a wellie day or a shoe day.  If he doesn’t seem to undertand why wellies are sometimes needed then try putting an old shoe that is not needed anymore in a bowl of water and show how the water gets inside and will made his feet wet and how it spoils the shoe. If you do this at a time when he is calmer he can see the necessity of wellies and how it stops his shoes being spoit then he will come round to the idea. If he doesn’t want to be without his shoes let him take them with him as long as he agrees to look after them.  He needs more time to cope with change and he needs things to be exactly the same each day so if there are changes that might occur but can be forseen then it is best to put in deciding about them. All this take longer but is better for everybody.  If you’re running late one morning don’t be tempted to cut steps out.

Food is often an issue, I have food issues.  If you try and force him it will probably worsen. Ask him what would make the food clean.  My tollerant friend lets me peel the veg so I can eat in her house. For children on the spectrum it is not a passing fad but something that casues great anxiety.  It takes a lot more time and planning to help them.  The key is to understand why they are behaviour particular way which is a lot easier said than done because he probably will not be able to tell you. It is harder for non-AS people to see how he thinks about the world.

Do not think of yourself as a bad parent. The modern world is not a good place for people on the spectrum and the hitting and tantrums are about his confusion and probably fear/anxiety.