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Its all out to get me.

Vyanni Krace

For the past five or so years I've had my autism pretty much under control, to the point where it seems even my family have forgotten that I have it.  Which is just how I wanted it.

But recently its been flaring up again, now that I am moving onto GCSE's. Its not so much my behaviour but what goes on inside my head. Sensory/information overloads seem to be occuring much more frequently now, especially in maths. Several times the frustration I experience in these moments has caused me to start crying. Before this started I haven't cried since Primary school.

 Along with that my OCD has been gradually getting worse too. I had a few small ticks like keeping my door at the exact angle and small stuff like that. But now more ticks are appearing again.

I am slowly washing my hands for increasingly longer periods of time and I have to tap an exact number of times. I have to start walking up or down stairs with the right feet and my bag has to feel perfectly balanced. If I stub one toe I get this impulse to stub the other.

 Its really concerning for me because it is all getting in the way of my classwork. I am getting distracted more often too, which used to happen a lot when I was younger and not in control of my autistic traits and now it is coming back. My brain drifts off or goes asleep while I think I am listening, I'll look at the clock thinking Its only been a few seconds or minutes only to find that a good chunk of the lesson as flown by. I end up finding I have gaps in my memory where I think I've been focused but actually I've been drifting.

 

So yeah. My main points of concern:

.My autism and aspergers seems to be coming back (and getting worse) with a vengance.

.My OCD is getting worse.

.My focus is getting worse.

.My memory seems to be completely shot. (And I am still only a teenager.)

 

Anyone have any advice?

Parents

  • Vyanni, I think that if you were to print out this discussion and give it to your mum to read, she would be able to see the anxiety you are feeling without you having to go through the stress of telling her about it and without you having to be worried about anyone interupting you before you got your feelings out.

    It takes a lot of courage to say you realize you are not handeling things well.  As a parent of someone with ASD who has a child who had a very bad emotional breakdown as the result of an exam, I can only say I wish they had had the courage to be able to ask me for help.  And I wish I had been more aware of the signs beforehand so that I could have been more suportive and understanding.  By not getting the help beforehand, it meant that the problems my child were facing were drawn out for months.  Now, with minumum daily support from the school (and more available if another crisis should arise) my child has grown in confidence and is more able to face exam conditions with a more normal level of stress.

    You have ASD, and as I am sure you know, there are some great benefits that you get from it.  But the exam system is geareed towards NT thinking, not ASD thinking.  So just like in PE, adjustments need to be made for people with physical impairments, it is not unreasonable or wrong or unfair for the exams to have a more level playing field.  If adjustments can be made for you and are allowed to be made, trust me when I say that you are likely to benefit from them as it is difficult to get them in the first place.  And it does not make you a lesser person or give you any advantage to those without it.  It just means you are not going into it disadvantaged.

    I really do hope that you are able to get the inner peace you deserve so that you are able to show everyone exactly how clever and talented you are on your exams.

Reply

  • Vyanni, I think that if you were to print out this discussion and give it to your mum to read, she would be able to see the anxiety you are feeling without you having to go through the stress of telling her about it and without you having to be worried about anyone interupting you before you got your feelings out.

    It takes a lot of courage to say you realize you are not handeling things well.  As a parent of someone with ASD who has a child who had a very bad emotional breakdown as the result of an exam, I can only say I wish they had had the courage to be able to ask me for help.  And I wish I had been more aware of the signs beforehand so that I could have been more suportive and understanding.  By not getting the help beforehand, it meant that the problems my child were facing were drawn out for months.  Now, with minumum daily support from the school (and more available if another crisis should arise) my child has grown in confidence and is more able to face exam conditions with a more normal level of stress.

    You have ASD, and as I am sure you know, there are some great benefits that you get from it.  But the exam system is geareed towards NT thinking, not ASD thinking.  So just like in PE, adjustments need to be made for people with physical impairments, it is not unreasonable or wrong or unfair for the exams to have a more level playing field.  If adjustments can be made for you and are allowed to be made, trust me when I say that you are likely to benefit from them as it is difficult to get them in the first place.  And it does not make you a lesser person or give you any advantage to those without it.  It just means you are not going into it disadvantaged.

    I really do hope that you are able to get the inner peace you deserve so that you are able to show everyone exactly how clever and talented you are on your exams.

Children
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