Its all out to get me.

For the past five or so years I've had my autism pretty much under control, to the point where it seems even my family have forgotten that I have it.  Which is just how I wanted it.

But recently its been flaring up again, now that I am moving onto GCSE's. Its not so much my behaviour but what goes on inside my head. Sensory/information overloads seem to be occuring much more frequently now, especially in maths. Several times the frustration I experience in these moments has caused me to start crying. Before this started I haven't cried since Primary school.

 Along with that my OCD has been gradually getting worse too. I had a few small ticks like keeping my door at the exact angle and small stuff like that. But now more ticks are appearing again.

I am slowly washing my hands for increasingly longer periods of time and I have to tap an exact number of times. I have to start walking up or down stairs with the right feet and my bag has to feel perfectly balanced. If I stub one toe I get this impulse to stub the other.

 Its really concerning for me because it is all getting in the way of my classwork. I am getting distracted more often too, which used to happen a lot when I was younger and not in control of my autistic traits and now it is coming back. My brain drifts off or goes asleep while I think I am listening, I'll look at the clock thinking Its only been a few seconds or minutes only to find that a good chunk of the lesson as flown by. I end up finding I have gaps in my memory where I think I've been focused but actually I've been drifting.

 

So yeah. My main points of concern:

.My autism and aspergers seems to be coming back (and getting worse) with a vengance.

.My OCD is getting worse.

.My focus is getting worse.

.My memory seems to be completely shot. (And I am still only a teenager.)

 

Anyone have any advice?

Parents
  • Thanks for all the help and advice, I'll try it and see how it works.

    The only problem is convincing others that I need help without making them think I am using my autism as a crutch. :/ As I said I have never really needed support before, to the point where most people (even my family on occasion) have forgotten that I have autism at all. Im not even sure if the teachers at my current school are aware of my problems, if my mum deemed in necessary to inform them considering how well I usually function.

     I dont know how to tell them that I need the help. Whenever I've tried to hint to my mum that my autism may be flaring and causing problems she just waves it off, says Im perfectly fine and am just worrying over nothing and that the reason I am struggling is because I am not revising enough. :/ I think I can tell the difference between just not pulling my weight and actually having mental break-downs/blocks thanks. My teachers are much the same way whenever I hint at struggling. Which is why I wonder if they even know about it.

    All this is really why I prefer not to get help. Half because I've never needed it before and I feel a little ashamed and embarrassed at having to, and half because people just dont listen when I really need the help because they are convinced I can handle it myself, which as a result causes me to be more ashamed because I feel I am a dissapointment by needing the help despite what they think.

Reply
  • Thanks for all the help and advice, I'll try it and see how it works.

    The only problem is convincing others that I need help without making them think I am using my autism as a crutch. :/ As I said I have never really needed support before, to the point where most people (even my family on occasion) have forgotten that I have autism at all. Im not even sure if the teachers at my current school are aware of my problems, if my mum deemed in necessary to inform them considering how well I usually function.

     I dont know how to tell them that I need the help. Whenever I've tried to hint to my mum that my autism may be flaring and causing problems she just waves it off, says Im perfectly fine and am just worrying over nothing and that the reason I am struggling is because I am not revising enough. :/ I think I can tell the difference between just not pulling my weight and actually having mental break-downs/blocks thanks. My teachers are much the same way whenever I hint at struggling. Which is why I wonder if they even know about it.

    All this is really why I prefer not to get help. Half because I've never needed it before and I feel a little ashamed and embarrassed at having to, and half because people just dont listen when I really need the help because they are convinced I can handle it myself, which as a result causes me to be more ashamed because I feel I am a dissapointment by needing the help despite what they think.

Children
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