• Replies 22 replies
  • Subscribers 70 subscribers
  • Views 4461 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

I GIVE UP...

ParentingAutism

I'm starting to give up. My 14 y.o daughter has so many issues going on right now and I'm sure some is bad parenting. I really need help. I've posted many things about them but now they are starting to worry me. 

She keeps damaging school property to get staples and pins. She was kicking chairs about in school. Doesn't go to lessons and sits in the hall chilling. She left school grounds. She loves to wander about everywhere so I let her go out with her sister (13 years) and she was collecting sticks and banging on the bins with them, smashing beer bottles and creating a mess in their local park with them. She keeps hiding in bushes and keep coming home with sweets, food and fizzy drinks they've been buying with her sister's money but it's too much sugar. (£15 worth in 2 days). When she's in the house she's fine and chilled.

I don't know what to do since her behaviour is changing and I've seen this before before she breaks up for the school holidays. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. She's changing. Most of her behaviour happens in school which confuses me since she loves school and is upping her time there. How can I help with the transition to the break? 

I'm sorry for ranting on but I'm sure the behaviour outside of school is because of my bad parenting. Any advice/opinions are amazing. 

Thanks x

Parents
  • ParentingAutism said:
    She keeps damaging school property to get staples and pins.

    to do what with them?

    ...

    A lot of those sounds pretty typical for a frustrated teenager who doesn't have much of a social life outside of school. She's 14, she should be hanging out with friends and chasing boys. Autism doesn't stop her wanting those basic teenagery things. I'm guessing because she's in PRU she's been moved around schools a lot. Probably doesn't have any friends to hang out with even online. She probably love and resents her sister in equal measure because with out her she'd probably be that much more lonely but at the same time I'm guessing her sister gets to have a much more normal life?

    Again her relationship with school is probably love / hate. There are people to befriend at school, things to do. But school is set up for her to fail there, academically and I wouldn't be surprised socially too. So it is immensely frustrating for her. I sounds like every day school is becoming less and less bearable for her while at the same time home life she finds suffocating, so she's trapped between world that she feels she doesn't fit in.

    ... As for eating lots of sugar and being generally noisy ... she's a teenager, this is normal.

  • in reply to Peter

    Thanks Peter. She has been moved around school a lot because of her behavior but she is so smart. She doesn't have any social media since it has a very negative influence on her and she's agreed not to have it again. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Maybe in normal times that would make sense but in lockdown isn't that basically that close to solitary confinement?

  • in reply to Peter

    She used to do Girl Guiding and loved it until we moved house 2/3 years ago but she took it up again in the local area and she loved it for about a year then stopped it. I will look at some other youth clubs or something she could do. Thanks for the suggestion. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    all good. there is security in sports you like because if you don't like the people or can't get on with them you can just float on the edge, focus on the activity, and enjoy the social activity vicariously as an observer. But something more social and talkative wouldn't go amiss. somewhere she can try to get to grips with making friends with people who's social skills are very different from hers. A youth club maybe, something with a relaxed vibe where she can sit in the corner an listen to good music, play on her phone, till she feels confident enough to actually talk to someone.

Reply
  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    all good. there is security in sports you like because if you don't like the people or can't get on with them you can just float on the edge, focus on the activity, and enjoy the social activity vicariously as an observer. But something more social and talkative wouldn't go amiss. somewhere she can try to get to grips with making friends with people who's social skills are very different from hers. A youth club maybe, something with a relaxed vibe where she can sit in the corner an listen to good music, play on her phone, till she feels confident enough to actually talk to someone.

Children