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12 year old son's behaviours

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Hi I am new here, but am keen to get some advice  / feedback about my son who is 'on the spectrum.' He is 12, very sweet natured and is high functioning - in mainstream school with 25 hours per week support - and clearly has learning difficulties alongisde the ASD, as he has problems accesing the curriculum. He still sucks his thumb when he is at home, (he has the sense not to do this at school). He mostly dislikes school, but tolerates it and has made some connections with other, similar boys. My main issue is that during evening and weekends, he doesn't see why he should leave the house at all, and would much rather stay home (preferably in his pj's and dressing gown) watching TV, playing on the laptop (minecraft) or doing his puzzles. If we have to go out it is a real struggle to get him motivated to get dressed and out of the front door. He will complain and physically lean his body weight onto my husband and I for much of the time whilst we are out. I am uncertain as to whether this is an 'Autism' thing or part of his personality. Does anyone else have similar problems?

Additionally, my husband does not react well to my son. He often shouts and tells him off for sucking his thumb, sometimes slapping him or pushing him around. This upsets me as I am obviously protective over our vulnerable son. My husband calls him lazy and I feel that most interactions between them are negative. These situations often occur in front of my two other (younger) sons, and they will sometimes proceed to join in, (jumping on the band wagon), trying to get my autistic son into trouble with his dad, and so the situation worsens.

I have tried talking to my husband and explaining that our son's condition can lead to this sort of behaviour, etc, but he just says I am criticising him / calling him a bad father. Our son was diagnosed between the ages of 2 and 4 and I feel that maybe husband has never really accepted this, which is why he makes no allowances. Additionally, I do all the school co-ordinating, meetings etc alone and sometimes feel overwhelmed with it all.  I want to help improve their relationship and any tips would be much appreciated. 

Thank you!

Parents

  • My twelve year old son has Asperger’s along with a few other colourful little things to boot.  Apparently,  Dyspraxia often accompanies ASD (so my OT says) which my son also has and he’ll do exactly the same as yours in terms of leaning against any bit of furniture, lying on anything that’ll support his body weight and detesting the mere thought of having to go out.  His muscle strength, tone, stamina, posture, balance, co-ordination etc is very poor and it takes an incredible amount of energy just for him to do even the simplest of physical tasks.   Daft as it sounds, even sitting and doing written work wears him out easily because his posture is so bad, he’s tensed the whole time trying to stay upright!

    We strike little deals with him in that if he agrees to come out for a half hour gentle walk with the dog or spends a certain amount of time doing something physical each day, he can chill out and play Minecraft until the cows come home but he cannot just fester and play games all day.  Left to his own devices he’d never shower or leave the house and would just eat himself into oblivion in between Minecraft.  

    It is frustrating when you’re having to battle just to get him to go to the shop with endless questions every time without fail (“Which shop are we going to?  What are you buying?  How long will be and what time are we going to get back?”)

    For my son, it’s best to get him up and at ‘em earlier on in the morning.  After lunchtime he’s neither use nor ornament so whatever we do to keep him active is done first thing. Smile

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  • My twelve year old son has Asperger’s along with a few other colourful little things to boot.  Apparently,  Dyspraxia often accompanies ASD (so my OT says) which my son also has and he’ll do exactly the same as yours in terms of leaning against any bit of furniture, lying on anything that’ll support his body weight and detesting the mere thought of having to go out.  His muscle strength, tone, stamina, posture, balance, co-ordination etc is very poor and it takes an incredible amount of energy just for him to do even the simplest of physical tasks.   Daft as it sounds, even sitting and doing written work wears him out easily because his posture is so bad, he’s tensed the whole time trying to stay upright!

    We strike little deals with him in that if he agrees to come out for a half hour gentle walk with the dog or spends a certain amount of time doing something physical each day, he can chill out and play Minecraft until the cows come home but he cannot just fester and play games all day.  Left to his own devices he’d never shower or leave the house and would just eat himself into oblivion in between Minecraft.  

    It is frustrating when you’re having to battle just to get him to go to the shop with endless questions every time without fail (“Which shop are we going to?  What are you buying?  How long will be and what time are we going to get back?”)

    For my son, it’s best to get him up and at ‘em earlier on in the morning.  After lunchtime he’s neither use nor ornament so whatever we do to keep him active is done first thing. Smile

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