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Need help with being a better friend

NAS71984

I've recently had a situation come up where someone pointed out I was manipulating my friends and just over being a bad person. They also pointed out I use my autism as an excuse to be a shitty person. I dont want to be a shitty person tho. And I dont want to lose my friends bit I cant read emotions so this is difficult for me. I've apologized but I want to work on changing myself. What ater some ways of figuring out if what I'm doing is confisidered manipulative behavior? And what are some good first steps to changing how I treat others? I would really like to change for both myself and my friends. 

Parents

  • Well at the moment I have not asked them but i fear as my own trauma gets in the way of gauging actions. If i do something nice like buy someone a pizza my fears will tell me I'm being taken advantage of. But at the same time uve been told I throw fits when i dont get what i want. I guess i could be more flexible but i can never tell until AFTER it's been pointed out for me. How do i tell in the moment? 

  • in reply to NAS71984
    NAS71984 said:
    How do i tell in the moment? 

    You can't.     As you say, you can only work it out afterwards.      One thing I do not do is present my mental problems on my friends - confiding in them is not the same a 'throwing a fit' - that would be inappropriate - do you get 'difficult' with your friends?   If so, I can see how they would think you're manipulating them - forcing them to walk on eggshells around you..    That would be using your ASD as an excuse to behave badly.       Friends are valuable things - I've had most of my friends since childhood - don't waste them..

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  • in reply to NAS71984
    NAS71984 said:
    How do i tell in the moment? 

    You can't.     As you say, you can only work it out afterwards.      One thing I do not do is present my mental problems on my friends - confiding in them is not the same a 'throwing a fit' - that would be inappropriate - do you get 'difficult' with your friends?   If so, I can see how they would think you're manipulating them - forcing them to walk on eggshells around you..    That would be using your ASD as an excuse to behave badly.       Friends are valuable things - I've had most of my friends since childhood - don't waste them..

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