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Autistic behaviours or Misbehaviour??

Shannon

My little brother who is 7 is currently going through the diagnosis for autism. He is cared for by my mam and when she is working he stays with his grandma and grandad. I try to help out as much as can and although I feel massively guilty for saying this, sometimes I really don't like looking after him. I have researched, my mam has told me a lot from the psychologist who has been working with my brother and I've also joined nas forum\group so I understand and empathise that my brother has behaviours that are due to him being autistic, however some behaviours I feel are just lack of respect and misbehaviour. I know my mam works very hard but I do feel lack of routine, boundaries and discipline is a massive part of some behaviours but also feel like a lot of people in my family let bad behaviour slip "because he has autism". Could anyone give me some advice on what sort of behaviours will not associate with autism and the importance of discipline, routine and boundaries and how best tBlusho put them in play for a person with autism. Thanks very much for reading and any reply would be greatly appreciated :) 

Parents

  • It is a really complex issue and there is little context here and since the spectrum is so large, it's difficult to say too much at this point. Some autistic people have a learning disability or other condition too and this may affect their communication styles and yet others are completely different.

    I would say to you that you shouldn't feel bad that you sometimes don't like looking after him - any person can be difficult at almost any time, but I would just recognise that he may not mean or understand some of the things that he does or says. The fact that you look after him is, as aidie pointed out, a valuable thing and something which you should be admired for because it isn't easy at times - far from it! You may need to be extra patient with him though and it may mean that he is given more attention by family members, but they have the best of intentions, if not with the best information.

    As for advice about behaviours and routines, I think the first and most crucial point is to include your brother in any decisions involving him and do so in a way that he can understand and actually contribute - sometimes you may need to be an advocate and ally for your brother in areas which he finds difficulty with, but you should always strive to make his voice and feelings heard.

    Joining this community and researching what autism is is a fantastic thing that you are doing and I'm sure your brother will appreciate it, since you are making an effort to understand him - a great deal of people do not go out of their way to understand those on the spectrum, which can sometimes leave us feeling isolated.

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  • It is a really complex issue and there is little context here and since the spectrum is so large, it's difficult to say too much at this point. Some autistic people have a learning disability or other condition too and this may affect their communication styles and yet others are completely different.

    I would say to you that you shouldn't feel bad that you sometimes don't like looking after him - any person can be difficult at almost any time, but I would just recognise that he may not mean or understand some of the things that he does or says. The fact that you look after him is, as aidie pointed out, a valuable thing and something which you should be admired for because it isn't easy at times - far from it! You may need to be extra patient with him though and it may mean that he is given more attention by family members, but they have the best of intentions, if not with the best information.

    As for advice about behaviours and routines, I think the first and most crucial point is to include your brother in any decisions involving him and do so in a way that he can understand and actually contribute - sometimes you may need to be an advocate and ally for your brother in areas which he finds difficulty with, but you should always strive to make his voice and feelings heard.

    Joining this community and researching what autism is is a fantastic thing that you are doing and I'm sure your brother will appreciate it, since you are making an effort to understand him - a great deal of people do not go out of their way to understand those on the spectrum, which can sometimes leave us feeling isolated.

Children
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