My daughter has anxiety and struggles with socialising face to face

Hi, 

It’s so hard isn’t it , how is she coping with school

My daughter is 12 and is just the same. She spends so much time on there and is scared of meeting people face to face. I haven’t got a diagnosis yet but since her starting High School so so much has come to light. 

Just by the sound of it she probably has ASD. I wouldn't read up on anything just yet until her diagnosis is done which I would bet is most likely going to be that she has ASD. If you want I can have a look at some resources for you books/you tube channels etc to give you more weapons to help your daughter in terms of parenting support. There are not going to be any books that describe your daughter quite spot on shes going to be completely unique but there are general guidelines/help etc that will enable you to support her more effectively. I think you should make sure whoever becomes friends with her are worth the effort. She would enrich the lives of people shes friends with (based on my own experience with having ASD) and they should do the same for her. She will be exceptionally loyal and a superb wee friend for other kids her own age. The should deserve that.  Bad friends for her would be even more devastating due her potential ASD diagnosis. On a last point I think that girls can learn to mask their ASD (if she chooses to do that) and function normally in social situations so there is always that option available although she might not feel shes being true to herself and refuses that option. 

Thank you for replying . She has an online friend for the past 2 years and they get on like an house on fire . They both want to meet in person and Iv spoken to her mam and we have agreed to meet half way this year ( live 4 hours apart ) so the girls can meet . 
but having someone more local I feel would allow her to have that proper contact and face to face visits . Although when I suggest it she says there’s no one around here like me . 
she’s a very black and white thinker. No grey area . 
Are the any good books out there that I can read up on .

she is waiting for an assessment so no diagnosis as yet . 
thanks x

Yes me. I hate it and can't generally handle it unless I start talking non stop about something I am interested in.  I would just support her by not pushing her to socialise if she can't handle it. Ask her if she wants friends. If she says no leave it be and if she says yes help her gradually ease into it. I find that autistic people usually get on like a house on fire with other autistic people. Not every time quite often. There's unspoken understanding and comfort there when your dealing with someone just like yourself.

Thank you both very much x

Hello Jojo,

The NAS website has a page about 'making friends' and hopefully it will enable you to help your daughter to make new friends: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/family-life-and-relationships/making-friends/parents-and-carers

Wishing you all the best,

Karin Mod

Does your daughter know any methods of how to socialize with others? Socialization might come easier for other people, but with your daughter she might need more direction on what she could say or do during face-to-face social encounters.

She could have also had negative social encounters in the past, possibly due to not having much facial expressions or enough eye contact (I did), so learning and practicing those things are essential to having friendly social interactions with others.