Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you calm down a violent teen?
My 14 y.o can become extremely aggressive and violent and nothing can calm her down...
I need help since I have no clue how to keep her and my other kids safe...
This morning she became distressed when her sister (13 years) sprayed something in the bedroom. My teen (with autism) then told her not to and started closing the curtains in their bedroom (which they share). My other teen then opened the curtains and the window then hell kicked off...
My teen (with autism) shut them again, then my other daughter told her not to.
Anyways.... they started fighting and I tried splitting them up since they were screaming, kicking, punching, and when I thought is was over, it started again... But my autistic daughter grabbed a pair of scissors and wanted to stab her sister with it...
All hell broke loose and I managed to take the scissors away from her. But how do I stop them from fighting next time? How do I keep my son and daughters safe? How do I calm her down?
Any help is very much appreciated. I'm lost and at my wits end...
Hi - I don't want to derail the thread but, while what you've put here is technically true, it's a bit heavy handed. The world is full of chemicals - I know people who inhaled H2O and died! All fragrances / smells are chemicals - it's all just combinations of those same chemicals that create totally natural smells too. The propellants used are totally natural chemicals too.
In very large quantities, lots of things are toxic. Smelling Ammonia won't hurt you at all - it's all natural - it's horrible - but in large quantities it's nasty stuff.
Yes full of chemicals - which is why some of them are not welcomed inside my lungs when it can be avoided but isnt avoided out of inconsideration. Water is a chemical. Chemicals are not the issue but petro chemicals spraying directly where you sleep are. What Ross has posted is an example of double empathy which is the cause of most autistic stress. He has done what the Police do to autistics. Person gets poison gas sprayed in bedroom that low senses cannot detect - So it is the autistics fault. The Autist is only distressed because of pthalates but yet - the anger management issue or behaviour issues gets posted. Why not handcuff the girls and lock her up overnight and then caution her or give her a criminal record too.
Maybe you do not have a sensitivity to petro chemicals - so then you wouldnt be able to relate. From my perspective it is 100 percent down to the use of poison sprays in y breathing space. That is why nobody I know who cares about me evr uses them in my presence. They will cause meltdown, leading to a shutdown or disassociate for weeks afterwards.
It's not the 'poison' that's the problem - it's incompatible behaviours of two people forced to share the same space. Both are maturing apex predators so would rather avoid aggression but if the 'threat level' / trigger is enough, they'll fight.
Someone squirting their dominant scent right in your face is one predictable trigger - as is invasion of personal space or back-biting / annoying actions - all will cause a fight. It's got nothing to do with autism - this is natural selection doing its thing.. The autistic person may have heightened senses, but the decision to fight is all nature.
That's why the only way to stop it is to separate them into their own 'enclosures' so their natural need to carve out a personal territory is satisfied. Build or buy more space.
I'm a twin - had to share right up until 18 - if this was two boys, there'd be blood on the walls, I've had my nose broken twice.
The whole forum and its users are all 'broken' according to their posts - pathologised and trying to be NT. Masking even more now they have diagnosed. THE WHOLE MODEL NEEDS REVAMPING - And the experts, one of which I know in person and is the top guy at UCL. Paul Burgess - he designs ASD tests and how the diagnosis works and is carried out. Even he shows NT bias beyond belief. Not just in his field but in his other field which is how I know him... PHD = Pretty Hefty Dumb! lol